i've been marking the 1119 papers eversince i got back fr the Oz trip, so to those of u, i'm sorry if i dont sound very sociable. *sigh* back to business as usual. hey, at least i get paid for it. (reminds me of Abg Mie's answer when i asked him y he wanted to be a pilot n he answered "i get paid to travel")
anyway, yesterday i had a phonecall from the Dean's Office. the officer informed me that the internal n external examiners have passed my dissertation. i'm officially an M.A. English Literature graduate!!!! woooooooooooooo!!!!!! i never thot this day would arrive. believe me, i got so disillusioned that i just wanted to get the dissertation over n done with. at that time the oppressive weight of the dissertation was an instant killjoy.
i think i've written this lots of time, but ppl never seem to understand. my mother used to say "u wont understand it until u experience it urself" (she was talking abt her pain). some ppl r critics who give destructive comments. they may not say much, but their few words can totally destroy whatever shreds of faith u have left. "kenapa lama sgt buat masters?" yes, i heard this all the time. most of the time i felt like shooting them. try reading 3 novels n then read homi bhabha's book. u'll go crazy. seriously.
in masters programme, there r a lot of structures that u can choose. i chose coursework n dissertation, since i thot that i didnt know much abt lit. n i wanted to take classes. those classes helped me a lot. i wouldnt know abt Freud or Heidegger or Lacan or Barthes or Stuart Hall or Homi Bhabha or Helen Cixous or Simone de Beauvoir if it werent for Lit. theory (the killer subject in MA Lit, where students tend to fail). i miss those other classes , the 19th century lit, the 20th century, (when we were kurunged in class by Miss Wong bcoz we didnt finish reading Virginia Woolf's novels), the Renaissance which i cant remember much, but shakespeare n john donne r the 2 outstanding ones. these classes werent conducted by the lecturers, bcoz this was seminar-styled class. which means the students had to take turns presenting papers in front of the class. n that the lecturers could bombard u with questions any time, n u're supposed to answer it without looking at the paper. to those of u who dont know lit, this is not the kind of lit where u give a simple answer when asked questions. this is the kind of lit where we go really deep. we analyse the characters - their psyche, we analyse the themes n the symbolism in depth, which means we always have heavy discussions on politics, religions, cultures n society. we write 7,000 words for our essays (final sem exam). n when we finish our coursework, we have to write 30,000 words for our dissertation. my dissertation is around 28,000 words. at the beginning of my dissertation, a lecturer scared me by saying that it's suicidal to analyse Rushdie's works n it's double suicidal to apply homi bhabha's theory. bhabha's theory is complex, n is presented in the most scholarly (read that to mean bombarstic) language possible that when u read it, u know it's supposed to be english, n yet u've to read it more than 10 times to understand it. several lecturers told me "any MA student cannot finish their dissertation within 2 semesters. it's not possible". they'r right. at that time i was pushed by the deadline of my sabbatical leave. but i also remember the Dean telling the postgrads that UM is obssessed with quality to maintain the high standard of education. which was y it took me 2 years to do my dissertation, the equivalent of 4 semesters ("4 semesters to do a dissertation is sensible" said Dr Sharmani, my supervisor). yes, UM is obssessed with quality. all lit. lecturers expect the best fr. us. there has to be discipline, determination, commitment to our studies, the ability to reason, n the most important aspect of all - perseverance. perseverance helped me through it all. there were many a times when i broke down n wanted to give up. any MA lit student can tell u that while the M. Ed tesl students r busy discussing or talking at the students square, the MA Lit students r sitting silently, reading the novels or notes for the class.
but if it's so difficult y did u choose lit? u may ask. well, i love literature. it's more interesting than tesl subjects or linguistics which is so dry. i dont regret taking lit. it's a battle filled with blood n sweat, but i came out victorious. the wisdom i acquired is priceless.
this is dedicated to my coursemates, kak non n kak fazi, nash - my scholarly discussion partner cum walking lit dictionary who helped me a lot in this dissertation; iris, jaya sree, elison, christine, emily, david, kasi n tik shaiza.
