a gamut of emotions

i was told a few nights ago that my mother is now in stage 3. i was depressed, and i quickly called 2 of my friends who are a neurologist and a hepatologist to ask for their opinion. i called one of my brothers last night, and he gave me a very sound advice "no use crying over it. she still has it". we agreed not to tell her that she s in stage 3, as it d demoralise her. yes, in my tiny heart i still believed in fairy tales that my mother would get well again and that she'd be her usual self. but that's just a wishful belief.

i went to work feeling down, and my friends were sympathetic. some suggested alternative med., some just gave words of encouragement, which are soothing, and exactly what i needed. there's one teacher whose wife has colon cancer, and also in stage 3. he told me it's all about our food intake. he now buys organic veg and eats unpolished rice. that reminds me of a friend who is a breast cancer survivor. she ate nothing but veg and fruits when we were at a course.

i went to see my mother today. she was much altered than the last time i saw her which was last weekend. her complexion is pinker, but it's her attitude. she sat there in her wheelchair and i was struck by the resemblance between her and my eldest sister who is suffering from alzheimer, who had that lost look. my mother is a fighter, a woman who knows her own mind, and very opinionated. i didnt understand why she lost her gutsy spirits. later i found out that my mother was upset that she's going to be discharged. she's worried that she's going to be a burden
to us. it's very frustrating to see that she's quiet, and doesnt reprimand anybody.

this is life, it's a bed of roses, but with thorns.

first day raya family communion

it is universally known that children always flock to where their parents are during festivities. we flocked my mother's ward room yesterday. she had been transferred to a smaller room due to the lack of staff, so that means not much room for us to hang around.

my mother, who was so used to being the queen of the house, had to wait for us to come. it's sad to see her thus, a strong woman who raised 8 children, to be so frail, with albumin fed to her through the tube. she is quiet, which is unlike her, but at least our presence helped to ease her pain.

in terengganu, we used to take half an hour to take family pictures, but this year, we brought the family picture taking to a new level when we took pictures beside my mother in the ward.

the first house to be attacked was my sister's house in ampang, which is near to the hospital. so it was a full house, full of merry making and laughter. then, we quickly tidied up things and left for my other siblings houses. we are now suffering from too-much-food syndrome: lontong at my sister's house, nasi tomato at my bro's house, and my other sister served nasi dagang (which i didnt take because i was too full). at my eldest sister's house, my bro in law served his famous extra fiery hot hot rendang (which i took only a little dot since i didnt want to invite gastric pain). today, my bro in shah alam will hold his open house, with nasi minyak and spaghetti bolognaise.

more food consumption.

balik bandar (as opposed to balik kampung) for raya

for the past 3 days, sympathetic friends took me out to buka puasa at secret recipe. it was fun to go out with friends, when you're all alone in the house, wondering what's going to happen to your mother, and wondering why KL is 400km away.

yesterday, unlike other people who balik kampung, i went against the conformity (with remorse, i might add) and came here to KL. the flight wasnt even full. my only consolation was anuar and elina's Suasana Hari Raya on my Sony Walkman hp.

at the hospital, my mother is still weak, she only talks a little, which is unlike her. but the surgeon wants her to sit on the chair so that she will feel alive once more. her protein level is still low, so the solution now is to increase her protein intake.

after the visit, i helped my sister to cook lontong for raya. this is a most excellent menu as i simply love, love, love lontong! especially with kuah kacang. my sister made a lot of it, since we're expecting the family members to gather here first after paying homage to my mother at the hospital.

it's not our typical happy hari raya with laughter, but what is important is we're all here.

selamat hari raya

The hero that breaks many hearts

when the government first announced the 2 malaysian astronauts, my heart just melted when i saw sheikh muszaphar. and to my amusement, i'm not the only one!!! my colleague also has a crush on him, and now we refer to him as "our bf". one married friend was swooning over him on the phone. i had to remind her that she's married more than 10 times. and also reminded myself that he's taken *sigh*. as i was watching the interview on channel 588, i was back to being a 17 year old girl again, gushing as i saw him on the screen, speaking in that pleasant voice and laughing that throaty laugh, and i sighed "god he's so handsome, it's not fair".

he is, after all, the living embodiment of that handsome knight in shining armour, only that instead of an armour, he's clad in his spacesuit and and that big space helmet. it didnt help that he's an orthopaedic surgeon, a restaurateur, a model?!! and now he's a muslim observing all the ibadah. god, how can he handle being perfect?

all i know is, he's a heartbreaker, and his fiancee is the luckiest woman. yahoo news even recognised his good looks when they wrote "a bachelor who has become a national hearttrob"

*sigh* enough said.