a gamut of emotions

i was told a few nights ago that my mother is now in stage 3. i was depressed, and i quickly called 2 of my friends who are a neurologist and a hepatologist to ask for their opinion. i called one of my brothers last night, and he gave me a very sound advice "no use crying over it. she still has it". we agreed not to tell her that she s in stage 3, as it d demoralise her. yes, in my tiny heart i still believed in fairy tales that my mother would get well again and that she'd be her usual self. but that's just a wishful belief.

i went to work feeling down, and my friends were sympathetic. some suggested alternative med., some just gave words of encouragement, which are soothing, and exactly what i needed. there's one teacher whose wife has colon cancer, and also in stage 3. he told me it's all about our food intake. he now buys organic veg and eats unpolished rice. that reminds me of a friend who is a breast cancer survivor. she ate nothing but veg and fruits when we were at a course.

i went to see my mother today. she was much altered than the last time i saw her which was last weekend. her complexion is pinker, but it's her attitude. she sat there in her wheelchair and i was struck by the resemblance between her and my eldest sister who is suffering from alzheimer, who had that lost look. my mother is a fighter, a woman who knows her own mind, and very opinionated. i didnt understand why she lost her gutsy spirits. later i found out that my mother was upset that she's going to be discharged. she's worried that she's going to be a burden
to us. it's very frustrating to see that she's quiet, and doesnt reprimand anybody.

this is life, it's a bed of roses, but with thorns.