i think among the greatest moments in my life was when i chose to leave my jahiliyyah days and returned to the right path. it's not easy, since temptations are always around. but Allah gave me his blessings and guided me. before, i felt soiled, unclean and not worthy. but after the realisation, i felt blessed, and loved. and at peace.
the first spiritual journey i made revealed to me the wonders of Masjidil Haram and Baitullah. upon entering the Holy City, i wept when i recited the talbiyyah, because i was humbled by it. if there is one thing that can make me weep any time of the day, that is the talbiyyah. i'm so moved by it. the Kaabah was magnificent, and it was kind of surreal when i looked at it for the first time. i was there, finally!! to be able to do tawaf there on the white marble floor, circling the kaabah, and to pray in the greatest mosque in the world - it's an honour. and it was there that i experienced 2 miracles, of which i'm not going to mention here.
now, i miss the peace. because i'm struggling!
in preparation for another journey, i find that learning the most basic knowledge helps. but knowledge alone doesn't help. it has to come with khusyu' in prayers, which i'm still struggling at, sad to say. backsliding is so easy. it's not easy to be good. it's even easier to disobey, like a rebellious teenager. but then, for how long are we going to act like teens?
today i attended the first session of the course, and when the presenter recited the talbiyyah i wept again. i think the next time i backslide, i will remember the talbiyyah and my true objective.
Labaik allahhummala bayk
"here i am, O Allah, here i am!"
No comments:
Post a Comment