shahul finally called me yesterday afternoon. i asked him why, when i broke up with him last week, he came back and kept telling me he's not married. he said "because i didnt want you to do stupid things". yeah rite. it was a disappointing and heartbreaking talk - esp. when i found out that at the same time i was chatting with him on msn, he was also chatting with other girls. and he led me to believe he's single for more than a year. his excuse was that he didnt want to jeorpadise my MA thesis. again, yeah rite... more heartbreaking was when he told me he wasnt serious abt getting married to me (a lot of frens swore n cursed at this point) and that he felt guilty everytime we talked.
his wife is of the same age as me, a housewife. i pity her, because she doesnt know what a jerk and an s.o.b he is. and he loves her. it hurts me the most. and he still had the nerve to ask me to be his fren. only his fren.
i couldnt settle being his fren. i couldnt be his fren and suffer the thought that he has a happy life with his wife and children. it hurts too much, after all the betrayal, the lies....especially the lie that he loved me.
so last night i told him i'm going to block him. he panicked. i said it was best for everybody.
doing the right thing hurts. and love is so strong. eventhough he wronged me. but for the sake of my sanity i had to let him go. it's the hardest thing i've ever done in my whole life.
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