money, money, money

all throughout the year, i've been spending money like crazy. well, not exactly crazy, but almost. still can't beat my fren ina hehehe...

i was told that i've to start paying the house rent. my world suddenly turned dark, because for the first time i had to really take a serious look at my financial standing. yes, i do the budget every month. and every month i spend money like water. truth be told, i can't afford this house. i can only afford a certain sum of money but that's all. and so i was thinking and thinking and worrying, until i became stressed and slept early even on the nights i didn't go to the gym. i talked to some of my friends and they gave me some sound advice. i may not like the advice, but i know they are right. and it's really hard to go through this alone. because of the stress, i thought of taking things easy today. i had a picnic with shidah at taman tasik ampang hilir this morning.

i know that nowadays you don't see a lot of people picnicking. i love the idea of picnicking because it reminds me of those days when i used to picnic with my parents. the last time i had a picnic was with my late mother at setiu beach some 4 years ago. also, jamie oliver and nigella re-ignited that picnic passion with their episodes on cooking picnic food. i love the idea of having a cozy picnic with family members and friends. that's why when i returned to terengganu in june, i bought a picnic basket.

and so, this morning, shidah and i made our way to the lake. however, my morning already turned glum when i realised that miscalculated my monthly budget. i have to make a lot of sacrifices, and cut down on my spending. which is a big blow, because i've been indulging myself, and i mean, R-E-A-L-L-Y indulging myself.

having a picnic helped to sooth my worry a bit. probably it's the ambience, i don't know. i had a talk with shidah about my problem, and she gave me hope that i can do it because she has survived. still, i told her that it's not a bad thing if i can find a rich husband now... haha...

after the picnic, i rushed to PJ to meet my niece farah, who agreed to show me her house in subang bestari. i fell in love with the houses there. she brought me to her new house. it's spacious and i envy her. we then looked around for "for sale" signs at the new houses (such beautiful houses!) but there's none. we then stopped by at my eldest nephew's house to rest for awhile, then continued our search. i did collect 2 numbers for 2 houses, but still, subang bestari is quite a distance from KL... *sigh*

after the search, we went to OU because farah wanted to buy a birthday gift for her hubby. it was really a challenge for me not to buy anything. i can tell you that it's a challenge, especially when i saw that Jean Perry embroidered bedsheet costs only rm69!!! i tell you, it's like looking at tiramisu or smelling Famous Amous and not eat it. it's really hard going to the store AND NOT BUY anything. we passed a shop selling something which i love (but i can't remember what) and farah asked "are you sure you don't want to go in?" and i answered "no la, i might be tempted to buy and it's better that i don't see them at all". farah laughed and said "i was just testing you".

in the car, again i was lamenting to farah. farah and i have a lot in common. for one thing, she's the youngest and used to being showered with attention and being pampered. she told me that if before she could splurge, when she got married she realised that she couldn't continue her old spending habit. "but there's only me, why can't i splurge on myself?" i asked farah. and her answer - i can do that, but i won't be able to afford certain things.

both shidah and farah told me that they havent really splurged on themselves for quite some time.

some of you will understand what i'm going through. i've led a sheltered life all this while, though i wasn't born with a silver spoon, my parents provided me with a comfortable life and i'm really grateful to them.

but if shidah and farah can do it, i believe that i can too. and one more thing, this is the first saturday that i really enjoyed myself with people who are close to me.

thanx, guys.