Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Somewhere Out There (click on this to view Judy Garland singing the song in The Wizard of Oz)

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,

Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?

My 2009

2009 isn't a good year for me. it's one of the worst in fact. most of you who have been following my blog would know this.

i thought that moving to KL to be near my family would make this year a good year. i was dead wrong.

in late january, my mother passed away at Damansara Specialist Hospital. i was in denial, because despite all the reprimands i got from her, and despite my inadequate attention to her, i realised that she loved me the most and i couldn't bear seeing her go.

death of a loved one changes one forever.

to distract myself, i went to Bangkok with Anne, and had fun shopping there. in june, i went to China with Mozie, sort of discovering my roots there. a lot of the Chinese stared at me, out of curiosity i guess, since i look like a Chinese but don't behave like one. many spoke Mandarin to me. obviously i didn't understand anything. the highlight of the tour was the climb up the Great Wall.

i'm not going to write about my school, because i'll be repeating myself here. only that it's different than what i'm used to. and it turned me into a disillusioned person.

i know that i'm a person ruled by emotions. when i'm happy, you'll know it because i'll be talking non-stop and when i'm upset, i'll be like a cloudy day. when i'm happy about something, then everything is okay - my self-esteem, my confidence. i'm a better teacher. without it, everything goes down.

worst of all, the person i looked up to isn't what i thought she was. she tried to sell us the idea of equality, camaraderie and respect among members but i discovered that underneath that facade, it's back to that basal perception. i was devastated.

and so, with all the disappointments and the grief, i've nothing to smile about.

on second thought, i do have something to be proud of. after looking at my pics taken in China, i decided to join a fitness centre. it was something i would never do in the past. but the reality show The Biggest Loser helped me see that it's possible. and so, despite the slow progress, i held on, and endured, and now i'm proud to say that in June i could only walk on the treadmil at 4.5kmph, but now i jog at 6.4kmph. who would have thought it, me, jogging?!!

i can control my happiness. and i hope i'll be able to do so in 2010.

that's my new year resolution.

to be happy.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Girls Day Out (and an adventure)

it's not everyday that i go out with my friends, and i had fun yesterday.

our tesl friend Kirah came down from Penang to visit K.Nan, and since she's about to start her M.ed dissertation, she wanted to visit the uni libraries in KL. and since i did my MA in UM, K.Nan requested that i be the guide to UM. mozie also decided to follow.

and so, before 9am yesterday, i could hear K.Nan's merry voice calling me from outside. off we went, and soon i was infected by K.Nan northern dialect and before i knew it i was also switching to northern dialect (and not doing a good job of it).

it was noisy in the car, and it was fun.

when kirah and her friend went to the library, mozie, k.nan and i went to have morning snack at one of the cafes. mozie brought her netbook along. when you put 3 teslians together, all you can hear is laughter, oblivious to the fact that none of us are UM students (me, my alma mater) and that we don't have the right to make such ruckus there. hmm...may be ruckus is a harsh word. merry making? that sounds nicer.

after the long break, we made our move to the library, hoping that kirah would be done in time for us to have lunch at MidValley. i must say the library looks a little bit different than the last time i went there (duh! that was like, 6 years ago?). we sat on the modern red sofas facing the glass door entrance, with kak nan talking loudly as usual and mozie putting on her make up in the process. after a while, an arab man sat beside k.nan. she was lamenting how she wanted to do masters and i suggested that we go to IPS to get the forms. off we went to IPS.

the postgrad students were registering and that brought back memories - of long queues, some helpful and also sullen and rude officers. we went to the main office and i was surprised to learn that we can download the form online...wah!

on the way back to the library mozie suddenly exclaimed "Oh my God!" and, noting her alarm both of us asked what's the matter. MOZIE'S NETBOOK WASN'T THERE!!

we reasoned that she must have left it at the library. so we went back to check. and guess what? IT WASN'T THERE! another arab man was there and he told us that he's been sitting there for the past 20 mins and there was no sign of any netbook. we went to talk to the security guard. who probably thought that this wasn't an urgent matter, judging from his lack of enthusiasm and unwillingness to help (i wonder why he took this job in the first place). we immediately suspected the arab man and wanted to see the video caught on cctv. the librarian told us to file a report at the security office first then we can view the video footage at the library. off we went to 12th College and after a few mins of filing a report, we went back to the library. we viewed the video and saw the arab man leaving with an extra object.

it was a big blow. i felt sorry for mozie because her brother bought it for her in the US and refusing to believe that it's gone, i still looked under the red sofa, just in case the netbook was somewhere there.

by the time we arrived at midvalley it was nearly 4pm. we had a late lunch at Madam Kwan. sazi called and told us to wait for her. after sazi arrived, the group split into 2 and sazi, mozie and i spent more than 1 hour going in and out of jewellery shops. i was salivating.

we called it a day nearly 9pm.

exhausted. but quite a day.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Save Our World - what you can do

i'm not one of those passionate Greenpeace people who are willing to go all the way to protect earth. but in my own small way, i do contribute to conserving our environment.

one thing i notice about us the malaysians is that we don't have that i-don't-care/tak kisah attitude. before you get upset and let anger control your brain, please allow me to explain.

we love to shop. and when we shop, we use a lot of plastic bags. most of us know that plastic bags are non-biodegrable goods. and yet we use them, we dispose of them indiscriminately. and that's not all, we love the disposable plates and cups. unless they're made of paper, they are all non-biodegrable.

last few nights i sat watching the Oprah Show. the topic was on environmental issues. they showed some disturbing pictures. pictures that i can't forget. imagine seeing a stork stuck in a plastic wrapper and a turtle who is deformed because its body is stuck in a bottle. imagine seeing turtles dying because the little babies thought that plastic bags are food. imagine seeing whales getting breast cancer. cousteau said that the whales are the yardstick in measuring how serious the environmental pollutions are.

why should we bother?

because we're a part of the chain. you upset one, you upset all. you kill the animals and the plants, then what do we have left? how are we going to survive?


certain countries have banned plastic bags. when i was in China, the Watson branches charge customers if they ask for plastic bags. we don't do that in Malaysia.

i like to bring my reusable shopping bag when i go grocery shopping. at first it was hard, because the plastic bags are always there at the counter and they are really convenient. but after awhile i'm so used to carrying my groceries in my bag that i feel awkward if i forget the bag and have to use plastic ones. sad to say, not many use reusable shopping bags. i cringe whenever i see someone leaving MaxValu with many many plastic bags. selfish uncaring people!

most supermarkets sell their own reusable shopping bags. i have one from Cold Storage, Jusco and Giant. i have no problem with Cold Storage and Jusco, but i had problems with Giant. but that's a different story.

So what can you do to conserve environment, as caring Malaysians?

1. Always bring your reusable shopping bags. don't say "i forgot" and "plastic bags are more convenient" it's so easy to give excuses, isn't it?

2. if you go to fastfood restaurants, ask them for paperbags instead of plastic bags. i did that at McDonald's.

3. if you have to ta pao food, bring your own food container. don't give me that "i forgot" crap again.

4. go paperless. this is the time to access your phone and credit card bills online. better still, do online banking!! you save time, fuel, and obviously money.

5. bring your own bottle of water. stop buying bottled water. you'll end up throwing the plastic bottles. remember they are non-biodegradable.

these are the things that i always do.

remember, there is only ONE environment.

important links

How you live your life makes a difference to our environment

11 Ways to Save Your Planet

Monday, December 21, 2009

things fall apart

no, it's not chinua achibe's book.

i'm merely referrring to my life right now. spiralling down, falling into the bottomless pit.

i made a big mess for the past 2 weeks. and with that gone is my credibility as a member in the elite fraternity.

i thought i was doing okay, but the fact that my mind and my heart wasn't into it showed that i had a lot of things in my mind and it's wreaking havoc with my life.

as one of my friends noted, my spiral down began when i arrived in KL. my mother's passing on is something that i can't get over with, because i felt so guilty for all the pain i had caused her...if only i had been a more attentive and dutiful daughter. if only, if only...

i'm not happy with my current school. i feel like it's a temporary pad, instead of having that sense of belonging like what i feel towards Sultan Sulaiman. a friend told me how different i look now, because the last time she saw me i was happy and enthusiastic. i was teaching in SS at that time. how do i eliminate this disillusionment about teaching the hooligans? i used to teach with passion, but now there's hardly a genuine smile on my face. worse, when i'm told that i've to teach in the afternoon session i feel like i've fallen further. i feel like a ball being tossed about.

and sometimes in life you learn that things are not what they seem to be. that there are underlying meanings and connotations that all pretend not to notice. sometimes you feel like screaming your heart out to stop this madness.

there's nothing to smile about in my life right now. there's a metaphorical hole in me, just like Salman Rushdie's character Dr Aaziz Sinai. i'm trying so hard to fill in the void, but i don't know how.

(i can't help but wondering if what i'm going through is a typical process of displacement/dislocation...see? despite my emotional outburst i'm talking about postcolonial theory!)

to be frank, to have someone would have been wonderful for me right now. i can't handle this alone.

i wish i can go back to the days of idleness and ignorance. for a while.

Friday, December 04, 2009


i feel like i'm a zombie now.

thanks to my late night Twilight series reading. last night i read Breaking Dawn until nearly 2 am. i was supposed to read (supposed, supposed supposed...even i'm bored with the word) Fasting Feasting, but obviously i couldn't resist Breaking Dawn, which was lying dangerously on my bed. and so, despite having Fasting Feasting with me, i put it down. and resumed reading Breaking Dawn.

by 1.07 am, i figured it out that i could still read some more. so i read until 1.45 am. even then my eyes were still alert. but i forced myself to sleep.

so today, even as i'm typing this, i look like a zombie. i'm not chirpy as usual, i look more a sleepwalker going through the routines with no emotions.

my only fear is that my chief will be disappointed with me. i can picture her face now, scolding me with arms on her hips. oh wait, that's me scolding the hooligans...

still have some time before i check into the hotel. all i want right now is some sleep.

Thursday, December 03, 2009


that's a term coined to mean twilight diehard fans.

okay, as my friends have stated in amusement in my facebook, i'm head over heels with robert pattinson. and so, after watching Twilight, i decided to find the DVD. sold out in Speedy shops. so i went to another shop. didn't have any, but they told me to come again the next day.

and so i did. twilight was sold out, but they have New Moon. i was due to watch the movie that night with Shidah and Lily, but i thought, what the heck. after some acid comments to them for the previous DVDs that i bought, i asked acidly (again)

"betul clear ni?"

"betul kak"

"kalau tak?"

"boleh tukar kak"

and so i went home happily. but i was not too happy afterwards when i realised the first minute that i only could see kristen stewart's face, but not robert pattinson! i could only see his body! he's headless! i was irritated to the core.

the next day i went to the same shop to return the DVD.

"saya nak tengok robert pattinson tapi nampak body je. muka tak nampak. nak tukar la"

they had Twilight and so i took it. was happy as a kid again. went home and kept hearing the background music. very loud. then i saw kristen's mouth's moving. there was no sound! but the background music was there. i fast forwarded for awhile, and it's the same thing throughout the movie!! loud background music, and no dialogues!!! arghhh!!!!

fuming, i started downloading the movie myself. that was better.

i'm supposed to be revising literary texts for my quarantine, but what i did was i went to Popular book store to buy Twilight the novel. they sold out on the first novel. so i bought New Moon. that day i went to the gym and so i had the excuse to go to Kinokuniya to buy Twilight. and i was happy. finished the book in one day. i then started New Moon, knowing full well that i should be reading Julius Caesar instead. finished the book in one day too.

just like Edward Cullen says "your scent is like a drug to me", the novels is like my drug. i'm like someone who has gone beserk. in my rational mind i know i should be revising.

let me tell you one thing though. when i started reading Twilight, it was because of Robert Pattinson. but when i started New Moon, it was because i like Stephenie Meyer's writing, and i like the way she portrays Bella and Edward. i like the witticism. though i must say that she hasn't that finesse. okay, i should stop analysing her like a literature scholar would.

so anyway, because the novels is like a drug to me (which amused my friends who know that i'm a literature snob who reads only serious literature and scorns any pulp fictions), i went to Kinokuniya once more, and instead of lingering there for one hour as i usually do, i went straight to find Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, and queued to pay.

again, i told myself that i should reserve both novels when i'm under quarrantine. so i started revising Fahrenheit 451. the book is good, don't get me wrong. Ray Bradbury is a good writer and his novel is like poetry but as i said, the Twilight Saga novels is a drug for me, and i just couldn't resist. and so, i read only 35 pages of Fahrenheit and thought that i should go to sleep. but before i went to sleep, i couldn't resist reading my bedtime story, and what do you know, i started reading Eclipse! thought i could put the book down. the next thing i knew it was 1.15 a.m. and all my friends know that i'm an early sleeper. the only thing that stopped me to read was the dull throbbing of my migraine.

i finished Eclipse in 1 night and 1 day. strangely though, after finishing Eclipse, i was ready to revise on the literary texts. and so i continued reading Fahrenheit 451. happy at last to be responsible and reasonable.

last night i started reading Breaking Dawn.... hehehe.
p.s. don't like Breaking Dawn. prefer Eclipse

Saturday, November 28, 2009

hari raya potluck feast

it is well-known that my family is a boisterous family who has one great passion - food. so it is not a surprise that we had a potluck feast at kak sham's house in PJ yesterday.

kak sham told me that she's going to cook nasi tomato, but yesterday there was not only nasi tomato, but also nasi dagang! i brought my lemon cake with homemade strawberry jam and lemon cream, and no sooner had i tucked into my food, abg mi arrived and kak madihah made lasagna!! wah this is really a feast. i was the first one to scoop the goodies. (which of course, led to the others making comments about watching my weight. it's useless making comments when i'm in front of delicious food, so i ignored them) her lasagna was superb, the sauce that she made was flavourful. and when i was se'eh, and groaning that i had too much to eat, abg halim came with nasi lemak and kak dah came with spaghetti and laksa johor. i surrendered then. no more food!

while the adults were talking about everything under the sun, the youngsters were playing games. kak sham is also addicted to playing computer games and she's a grandmother of 3! so it's not surprising that ayi is already a doctor doing his Masters and yet he still watches Powerpuff Girls. no, i'm not joking.

the others went back early because of Friday prayers but i was too full and too sleepy (couldn't really sleep the night before because i was angauing over Robert Pattinson) to drive so i caught some 40 winks (probably it s 80 winks). and then it was another round of feasting again. and i groaned again. god it's a vicious but irresistable cycle.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

crazy about the handsome vampire

i didn't realise the twilight mania could be this big - because i'm drawn to it myself, much to my surprise.

last year, SS's best student, khairina, who studied literature, was always promoting the movie to me. so consumed was she with the book and the movie that during one discussion she was confused between Edward and Bella in Twilight and Edward and Bella in the short story The Cinderella Girl which they had to study. "Best teacher, teacher kena tengok. Edward tu handsome teacher" how many times i heard that last year. and this was before the movie came out.

well, the movie came and went. but 2 nights ago, star movies showed it on tv, and i was determined not to sleep at my usual bedtime hour just to watch the movie. and i was hooked! Robert Pattinson is irresistable. not in the usual sense of handsome, but the character is mysterious (duh, everyone says that ) and gothic and look, most of us are attracted to dark (or in this case, pale) handsome men. it reminds me of the mania the girls had in the 80s when Ralph Macchio donned that karate uniform, tied a bandana over his head and "saved" his girl. or the craze over Brad Pitt (still there is) especially in Legends of the Fall or the craze over Viggo Mortensen as the rugged ranger / King and Orlando Bloom as the Elf archer when LOTR trilogy came out. yep, it's the same thing now.

no, it's not about the handsomeness. as i said, it's about how he portrays his character. he had me when he told Bella "I don't have the strength to be apart from you" uwaaa!!!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

thank god it's the long school hols!

2 weeks ago, i couldn't wait for the holidays to be here. i even had a countdown on my facebook. but this week, with all the things happening, my holiday mood just disappeared. gone with a smoke. na da. kaput.

besides being told that i'll be transferred to the afternoon session, i had to finish off the stupid clerical work. yes, i hate the clerical work. i'm disorganised and proud of it. for me, clerical work reminds me of old accountants at work, with pince-nez on their noses, meticulously writing down numbers, and not making mistakes. i'm not like that. i'm like a fiery chef who devotes his life to the perfection of culinary art. or an artist who is passionate in his strokes creating masterpieces.

one afternoon session teacher who likes to sit at my place after i go home (because her chum's cubicle is next to mine) decided to do me a favour and tidied up my cubicle. really. the problem is, when i tried to find some particular documents, i couldn't find it. and there i went rambling like a mother scolding the children, because i couldn't find the papers.

any hoarder will tell you that in chaos, there is order. the teacher meant well, i know. but she upset the order on my chaotic table.

anyhow, though i'm disorganised, i'm good at teaching.especially when i teach literature (the LiE paper, not lit component) no, i'm not being smug. i may be a real-life but a mini version of Dr House, minus the quirks and the insanity.

there was too much work to be done. some of it was a waste of time, but i had to do it. i mean, what's the point of repeating the same phrase 33 times for a whole class? or what's the point of every teacher producing the headcount analysis, when in SS the Exam Unit does it for the teachers?(considering that it's a cluster school, and has 140 teachers).

okay i'm rambling again. but as you can see, because of the amount of work to be done, i lay awake at night feeling stressed. i could feel the nerves on my head turning sore, especially when i sujud during solat. anyway, i did the best that i could. and that's not saying much. because as i said earlier i hate, no, i a-b-h-o-r clerical work.

and even though the holiday officially started at 12.30pm for me yesterday, i didn't feel the joy. hopefully after this the party animal in me will come out.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

the bad news

it's 1.25am. what am i doing up so late? actually i woke up when i heard the neighbour's car engine. then instantly, i remember the bad news that i had 3 days ago.

my head of panel told me that because there's an excess of english teachers in the morning, i'll be teaching the afternoon session next year.

when she told me this, i was trying to finish off marking the exam scripts, and as soon as the words hit me, i was devastated.

the thing that i hate most is teaching in the afternoon. i spent 12 years teaching in the morning session. in SS i was lucky because it's a single session the first 2 months in the current school, i had to teach the afternoon session. i don't like it at all.

i hate coming back so late. and by the time i return home, i've no strength to muster. and besides, ever since in SS, i always taught either form 3 or the upper forms. my friend and colleague used to tell me that if any of the Old Block teachers slack in their work, they are "banished" to the New Block teaching the lower forms.

the afternoon session is like that. i feel upset, and used. i feel like i'm a ball being tossed around. never mind that i'm a senior teacher by service and holds a masters degree. never mind that i've literature students who i have to teach after school. in the end , i lost to a quite junior teacher who gets to stay in the morning session because she stays far away and can teach Geography (as they lack in teachers in the subject for the form 3 students) and that because i stay nearby and i'm single. it's back to the same reason. i hate it. and the best thing is that she doesn't know that the upstairs people considered her as a candidate as well.

i feel kecik hati. i don't mind if i'm a junior. but i'm not. so i go from being a form 4 and 5 teacher to being form 1 and 2 teacher next year. a lot of routines have to be changed next year, and i don't like it at all.

because of that, i think i may have to do something. now i understand how my Professor felt and why he resigned from the university.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

the hi tea at KDE

on saturday, the kelab guru of my school held the annual hi-tea at KDE which is practically "belakang rumah". no la i was exaggerating. it takes me 5 mins to reach KDE. the theme was "mesmerising blue". initially i thought of wearing the only blue blouse that i have but after the gym workout in the morning (to compensate the feasting done the previous day), my feet sort of led me to isetan (yeah yeah blame it on my feet. just like i blamed my feet for walking into Habib when i accidentally bought some bling bling) and i bought a new blouse.

since i've taught at 3 schools so far, i can honestly say that the annual gathering is conducted in much the same manner everywhere. but then although it is considered routine, one can't help feeling amused. for instance, despite my visits to the gym and despite my "piousness" in controlling my temptation at the school canteen, i was the first one at the buffet table (yep. the first one. go ahead and gawk). i can't remember how much i ate. i just knew that the cheese from the lasagna just sat snugly in my tummy. had to do salsa after that.

and at every annual gathering, we love lucky draws. despite the fact that everybody gets to bring something home, we still groan and wait in agony for our numbers to get lucky. and, i also notice that we love to compare which table has the most gifts - the only difference is that last Saturday the teachers stacked their gifts on the table until they nearly collapsed.

oh well.

i got to bring a blender back. the 3rd blender that i have.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Calorie restriction diet

last night, Dr Oz appeared on Oprah show, talking about extreme life extension. one that really intrigued me is about the people who undergo calorie restriction diet, thought to help in lengthening one's lifespan. this is backed up by research in the labs using mice.

anyway, it doesn't sound interesting, does it? especially when you have the words "restriction" there. they featured 4 people who practice this diet - a couple, a lawyer in his 60s (whose biological age or stamina of a 20 year old) and an 85 year old tycoon. they all eat a lot of fibre - the lawyer takes 3 apples for breakfast (he peels the skin and eat it, not the flesh though) and a bowl of mixed berries with 2 oz of walnuts. his lunch is a big bowl of salad greens (he said this amount can normally feed a whole family) and his dinner also consists of vegetables and fish.

i'm not interested in extending my lifespan - who wants to hang on to old age when your peers are all dead? i'm only interested in healthy eating and being healthy...unfortunately, my tummy and palate can't really digest the idea of digesting so much fibre...

Saturday, November 07, 2009

let's salsa! (click on this to view a snippet of what salsa dance is)

much much earlier this year, my curiosity led me to a dance studio in sri hartamas. they had an open day, and to attract more clients, they held a free 10 minute session of dances which included bellydancing, salsa, cha cha and more.

i wasnt interested in bellydancing, because much as exotic and as obscene as it can be, it's too vigorous and i can't imagine my whole body jiggling (or wobbling, for that matter). besides, i've a bellydancing vcd featuring rania who, when performing the dance look more like Plastic Man than a mere mortal.

so anyway, i discovered that i love salsa! i enjoy its lazy, easy and sensual dance. it's not obscene like bellydancing, mind you, it's a dance that everyone can enjoy. unfortunately though, although i signed up for the class, the place is just too far for me to go every single weekend.

on thursday, as i was telling them of my gym visits, a male teacher at school who loves to ride on his easy rider suggested that i enroll for salsa class at a dance studio somewhere in uk utama? uk perdana? i'm not really sure. and that reminded me of the joy i felt once. but i thought, well may be they sell latin dance dvds. i was right. i purchased Kathy Smith's Latin Rhythm workout.

why all this, all of a sudden?

because i was disappointed that they changed the time slot for my favourite group cardio fitness workout BodyVive. i figured that i need to have cardio fitness workout that i enjoy.

i've several other workout vcds of Kathy SMith and i wasn't disappointed when i bought the dvd yesterday. they have not only salsa but also merengue and cha cha. i don't really like merengue. i prefer salsa more. so much so that i downloaded some salsa songs for me to dance on my own.

so what are the health benefits?

salsa dancing helps to build endurance and stamina. it helps with weight loss (yippee!!!), relieve stress, helps to relieve toxin, may help lower the cholesterol levels and lead to a reduced heart rate as well as reducing the risk of Alzheimer disease.

how many calories can one burn in an hour of salsa dancing? for a 150lb person, expect to burn 420 calories - for me that means around 45 mins of jogging on the treadmill at 6kmph.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

The Hooligans' Antics

need i say more? *sigh*

it's final exam week. so what do you usually expect to see in class? students giving their full attention to the exam questions right? and you don't even hear any sounds?


not in the hooligans class.

it's just like any other day for them. but for once, i get to see all of the hooligans together even those who like to play truants. but even then, one didnt turn up for the exams since monday. so they were busy in their "merry making", laughing out loud, and talking to the rest. the boys asked to go to the toilet. that means "wandering around" instead of answering nature's call. like i said, it's like any other day for them.

so scold them, you will say.

you think i didn't do that?

i gave them the look that would have silenced all my students in SS. that didn't work. i had to resort to hitting their arms with my fan because they're too noisy (my fan broke). still that didn't work. i was on the verge of cursing them, really cursing them - but i still had my iman and patience. god only knows how i felt. i wonder how they're like at home, and i wonder if their parents know.

i was in their class to invigilate my paper. some sent in blank papers, some didn't even send in at all.

as i entered the staffroom, a teacher looked up. and i told her "this is the look of someone who just came out from 4 Taat".

really, the class affected me so badly. obviously i didnt feel happy, i felt angry, and i would have become the female version of hulk.

there's no other way to change the hooligans unless something (by chance) happens to them. until then, they'll continue being how they're.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

"It's okay"

last wednesday, i discovered that i do have friends among the new colleagues at school. all this while i only trust my friend zai, whom i have known since tesl matric year 1, and who was my roommate.

but on that fateful day, i landed myself in deep tut! and guess what? a colleague, who's the head of panel, helped me. she didn't yell at me, she didn't say anything to make me feel even worse. she gave me some solutions that could help me save myself (i nearly typed a bad word there). at that point, it hit me that she's a true friend.

that was why, i wrote on my facebook later on

despite all the obstacles, the storms, the downs, the frustrations, the fear, at the end of the day, life embraces you and says "it's okay"

it's a nice warm feeling that you get, when you realise that despite all the screw-ups, life goes on, and you have a friend.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

the feasting

i've just recovered from major bloatedness. sorry if i sound gross. i had too much to eat today, ah too much merry making!

i was supposed to have picnic with mozie and ka
k nan at the lake today. as told in earlier entries, i had prepared myself for loads of picnicking sessions since the day i bought the rattan picnic basket in june.

i made blueberry and orange cupcakes today. if i had my way ( and more time) i would have baked some cinnamon rolls, but then i was too exhausted from the gym workout to wake up at wee hours to knead the dough.

as i was about to lock the door, mozie called to
say that there was no parking space left at the park so as we had discussed earlier, we went for Plan B which was to have "picnic" at my place. and because i wanted this to be a picnic, i told them i didn't want to use china, i wanted to use my plastic plates and bowls and cutlery. and so, we had nasi lemak cooked by mozie, kak nan brought eggs and cucumber and yours truly provided the dessert.

we talked and talked and laughed so hard. then i mentioned that i wanted to move to the master bedroom as i couldn't stand the noise from the traffic and plus, indah water is doing some construction work at the park which is exactly where my bedroom faced. and so, my two dear friends helped me to dismantled the bed and re-assembled it in another room. thanx guys!

after the breakfast, i had to dash to go for the family tahlil at abg halim's house in sg buloh. i was lucky the traffic wasn't that heavy. after the yaasin and the zohor prayer, i couldn't really enjoy my food as i was still bloated from the breakfast. abg mi made a lot of comments. because abg halim is the only one who likes to live in suasana kampung and has a fruit orchard, we had a nice time picking the rambutans (picking, because abg halim was the one responsible for plucking the rambutans with his galah). abg mi was enthusiastic about the whole thing - he came well prepared with a big basin to hold all the rambutans that he can get. me, i was just satisfied with a modest 1 plastic bag of rambutan.

after the rambutan picking, i went home, only to find that indah water has closed the road behind the house and so, the other cars from ampang jaya use our private lanes to pass through... *sigh* more noise! and although it is past 10pm, the construction is still going on... *double sigh*

Thursday, October 22, 2009

what s to become of the future generation?

as i now commute to the gym via LRT, i get to meet people from all walks of life. usually i don't bother about their conversation, until today when i heard two teenagers talking. judging from their conversation, i would say the girls are typical uptown wangsa maju kids who have just left school. i couldn't help overhearing (i wasn't eavesdropping, they talked loud enough for the entire coach to hear) the conversation, and was shocked when the one of the girls casually talked about going to a club which she proclaimed the entry fee as "murah gile", and that they serve a bucket of beer.

okay so i'm shocked. i know that i shouldn't be, but the fact that they can be so casual and i can even say that the statement is more of a brag than anything else.

it's not the teacher in me, it's about being a mature person who has seen much and won't like the youngsters to suffer.

in one of the daily hadith sent by Anne, the writer has said that the current time is about the era of modesty seen as a lack of confidence and vulgarity is seen as an act of boldness. the girl's statement attests to the truth of the statement.

i'm very upset with all this.

isn't there something to cheer me up today?

Friday, October 16, 2009

the journey to the gym

the journey to the gym is full of temptations of earthly (or gastronomic) paradise, especially now that i've to take LRT. from far i could smell rotiboi's sought-after mexican bun and the sinful and alluring smell of famous amos' chocolate chip cookies. now i could understand Ulysses' dilemma when the sexy sirens called the sailors to the shore (and to their destruction). if i didn't have the gym bag with me to remind me of my destination, i would have fallen into the trap and devour the delicious cookies like there's no tomorrow.

and so with regret, i walked on and made my way to the gym and sweated myself.

before returning home, i heard traditional indian music - they played live on one of the floors, and playing kuch kuch hota hai!
i contemplated whether i should wait until the rush hour is over or take the lrt then because it's thursday night (yaasin reading night). i then proceeded to the lrt, and i had to again, pass the famous amos ...ah temptations!!! there many people at the ticketing counter. there were many people more at the platform. i missed 4 lrts before i could get on one. even then, the phrase "sardine-packed" paled into comparison. i could hardly see my bags, and even if you didn't have anything to hold on to, you neednt worry of falling.

well, that was my experience yesterday.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

money, money, money

all throughout the year, i've been spending money like crazy. well, not exactly crazy, but almost. still can't beat my fren ina hehehe...

i was told that i've to start paying the house rent. my world suddenly turned dark, because for the first time i had to really take a serious look at my financial standing. yes, i do the budget every month. and every month i spend money like water. truth be told, i can't afford this house. i can only afford a certain sum of money but that's all. and so i was thinking and thinking and worrying, until i became stressed and slept early even on the nights i didn't go to the gym. i talked to some of my friends and they gave me some sound advice. i may not like the advice, but i know they are right. and it's really hard to go through this alone. because of the stress, i thought of taking things easy today. i had a picnic with shidah at taman tasik ampang hilir this morning.

i know that nowadays you don't see a lot of people picnicking. i love the idea of picnicking because it reminds me of those days when i used to picnic with my parents. the last time i had a picnic was with my late mother at setiu beach some 4 years ago. also, jamie oliver and nigella re-ignited that picnic passion with their episodes on cooking picnic food. i love the idea of having a cozy picnic with family members and friends. that's why when i returned to terengganu in june, i bought a picnic basket.

and so, this morning, shidah and i made our way to the lake. however, my morning already turned glum when i realised that miscalculated my monthly budget. i have to make a lot of sacrifices, and cut down on my spending. which is a big blow, because i've been indulging myself, and i mean, R-E-A-L-L-Y indulging myself.

having a picnic helped to sooth my worry a bit. probably it's the ambience, i don't know. i had a talk with shidah about my problem, and she gave me hope that i can do it because she has survived. still, i told her that it's not a bad thing if i can find a rich husband now... haha...

after the picnic, i rushed to PJ to meet my niece farah, who agreed to show me her house in subang bestari. i fell in love with the houses there. she brought me to her new house. it's spacious and i envy her. we then looked around for "for sale" signs at the new houses (such beautiful houses!) but there's none. we then stopped by at my eldest nephew's house to rest for awhile, then continued our search. i did collect 2 numbers for 2 houses, but still, subang bestari is quite a distance from KL... *sigh*

after the search, we went to OU because farah wanted to buy a birthday gift for her hubby. it was really a challenge for me not to buy anything. i can tell you that it's a challenge, especially when i saw that Jean Perry embroidered bedsheet costs only rm69!!! i tell you, it's like looking at tiramisu or smelling Famous Amous and not eat it. it's really hard going to the store AND NOT BUY anything. we passed a shop selling something which i love (but i can't remember what) and farah asked "are you sure you don't want to go in?" and i answered "no la, i might be tempted to buy and it's better that i don't see them at all". farah laughed and said "i was just testing you".

in the car, again i was lamenting to farah. farah and i have a lot in common. for one thing, she's the youngest and used to being showered with attention and being pampered. she told me that if before she could splurge, when she got married she realised that she couldn't continue her old spending habit. "but there's only me, why can't i splurge on myself?" i asked farah. and her answer - i can do that, but i won't be able to afford certain things.

both shidah and farah told me that they havent really splurged on themselves for quite some time.

some of you will understand what i'm going through. i've led a sheltered life all this while, though i wasn't born with a silver spoon, my parents provided me with a comfortable life and i'm really grateful to them.

but if shidah and farah can do it, i believe that i can too. and one more thing, this is the first saturday that i really enjoyed myself with people who are close to me.

thanx, guys.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

the power of words

when we're small, we sometimes say words we don't mean, but most of the time, we're not affected by it. but as we grow older, and as socialising teaches us how to behave in the society, we tend to be considerate towards the others. that is the way it goes.

this serves well for everybody who follows this mantra. any normal adult will have this consideration and tact when dealing with people, especially with their family and friends. okay, may be i should rephrase that statement. any normal adult should have this consideration and tact when dealing with people.

recently, a tactless friend made an uncalled for comment on a friend. it was a very immature comment, and if she thought that that was a joke, the joke has done the damage.

years ago a friend called me a name which i will not repeat here. it was during Ramadhan. strangely enough, i didn't cry. i kept silent. and strangely enough, she thinks that after all these years i've forgotten the incident and tries to be friendly in facebook. unfortunately though, one does not forget.

the person i admire the most in dealing with people is Prof Dr Sham Sani, who used to be UKM's TNC when i was a TESL student. he was a very humble person, so much so that during the convocation ceremony, he parked at the car park along with the other proud parents. the rest of his subordinates waited for their cars to be driven to the grand porch. to get his staff to do a certain task, he would ask gently and politely "(mr so and so), boleh mintak tolong tak?" this is the kind of a person that one aspires to be (aside from the Prophet)- a courteous, humble, considerate intelligent person.

there are many people who just spew words that hurt other people's feelings, consciously or unconsciously. it does not harm anyone to be considerate. because, remember, you're not talking to dummies, you're talking to people with feelings. like Rudyard Kipling says in his poem "If"

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

if you don't like yourself to be alone and with no friends, then think about other people. because, in the end, words reflect your character and friends will flee from you.

Sunday, October 04, 2009


do you remember when the 3 bujang lapok say that in the movie when they're meditating?

well, i've been tested these past 2 weeks, and it's a tough test!

the first day of raya was excusable, it's raya after all. the second day raya saw me eating nasi minyak at abg mi's house. on the third day, i had to make a move back to ampang because there was just too much food on the table and i couldn't resist it.

on the fourth day, i went to my sanctuary gladly, as it opened on 4th day raya. i realised that i didn't have the stamina and couldn't jog at the speed that i used to run before ramadhan. the biggest test after raya is to control the diet, which i've been doing unsuccessfully. can't help it. the 1 month dam of will power is shattered by food.

so it's not surprise that with all the exercising i gained another half a kg.

after a conversation with the only female trainer at the gym, i realised that i've to do exactly what she told me to do - increase the speed on the treadmill. use incline instead of walking on the flat belt. increase the time spent on the cross trainer. spend time on the machine. a lot of hardwork.

Friday, October 02, 2009

picky me

living at a hectic place like KL makes me treasure privacy and tranquility even more. now i understand why kak dah chose to move from this house to her new bungalow in bukit mahkota - because, frankly, ampang has become so busy you can't hear yourself think.

the traffic jam starts during rush hour behind my house, sometimes even on weekend nights. this also means i hear a lot of noises in my sleep, and last 3 weeks, i had to improvise on having an ear plug by just stuffing my earphones into my ears - i had migraines 4 days in a row before that and i theorised that it might be caused by the constant sounds.

to make it worse, a few nights ago some inconsiderate baboons decided to have fun by having a fireworks display behind my house - at the multi purpose court. what irritated me the most was that they chose to indulge in this activity at the time when working people usually retire for bed - the first night they played at 10pm and i had to actually stand outside my kitchen, with my hands on waist, and shouted "bising la orang nak tidur". feeling embarrassed, they moved. but unfortunately, a second car arrived. they had a "fun" show that lasted until 12.30 midnight.

the next night, when the "fun" began, i called the police. however, the culprits finished their show before the patrol police came. the third night was peaceful, and i was happy. but on the fourth night, they decided to have a go at it at 12 midnight!! i value my sleep very much, because the lack of it will cause me to have migraine. and so, i called the police again, and despite this policeman's lack of PR, i made a complaint and the patrol car arrived at 12.30. the misfits were dispersed, but by then the damage had been done, as i couldn't sleep until nearly 2 am.

i was so groggy the next day.

today i scolded the construction workers working on the neighbour's house - they cut a few branches of abang najib's used-to-be-carefully manicured bonsai bougainvillea. i stared at the branches and straightaway told them to throw them away. i was tired after coming back from school, and the last thing i wanted to see was some branches cut by someone, and then left them there. i think that my action was justified, as they do a lot of stuff that irritate me - like leaving dust all over my car, and on one fine day, they accidentally splashed some cement droplets on it!!!

okay so i might be paranoid. but since i don't have anyone else to do the job and i'm tired after working and the gym, i do not like the idea of having to trouble myself.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


i drove to my eldest sister's house on the eve of raya, and because i wanted to avoid the traffic, i used the Duke highway. ah! the comfort!

well anyway, it was soothing to be near your flesh and blood. since my eldest sister, kak ma, has advanced alzheimer, there's only farah my niece and her hubby yusri for me to talk to. and their baby aleesha to entertain. the last buka puasa was simple. yusri cooked nasi ayam for us, being the son of a caterer, and i must say that his culinary skills are commendable. we were joined by farah's sister, lina and her hubby romy, who derives pleasure from teasing (menyakat) me. he is forever making stupid jokes, and i always have this bored look on my face, and sometimes when i just can't stand it any longer, i'll just say "romy go away". around 20 minutes after the buka puasa, abg mi called me to confirm the raya itinerary.

early the next morning, i woke up simply because our body is used to waking up for sahur, and my tummy is rumbling. it's raya morning! so i made my way to the kitchen, and also because i had a mild migraine, i decided to partake the nasi minyak so i could swallow the pills. yusri woke up early too, to make ayam masak merah.

we made our way to the first destination - kak dah's house in bukit mahkota - the farthest house first. abg mi and family and lina and family were already there. there was a big fuss especially when i went straight to the kitchen island and started dishing out lontong for myself. i was the first one to eat you see hehehe...but i assured them that my gym opens on the 4th day of raya and i intend to go. abg mi's 3 arshads were there, all giving their attention to the little aleesha. as usual, when we gather, abg mi will start talking about food, especially the food that he managed to buy in terengganu when we went back for the hearing. after some social eating, we took some family pics but i can't post them now at the moment. have to wait till i get home. the next destination was at abg halim's house in sg buluh. by the time we arrived there, i was too bloated to eat anything so i just watched them eat nasi dagang. abg halim loves big soundspeakers so you can just imagine the noise when he put on a dvd and turning the volume on loud. i couldn't even hear myself think.

after abg halim's house, we proceeded to kak sham's house. we avoided her house till afternoon since abg jenal's extended family is much bigger than ours, and to put our side with his side in a house can be a nightmare. kak sham made mother's chicken briyani, and i was happy to eat them. her rendang is like Forrest Gump's box of chocolate "you'll never know what you're gonna get" since many parts of a cow are in there. again, abg mi talked about his much loved subject - food and also rearing fish. and also asking me pointedly how long was i at the dining table.

the raya itinerary finished here today, as i'm staying at kak sham's house. tomorrow will be abg mi's open house. there'll be some serious eating and some photo snapping as well.

selamat hari raya y'all.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Alone on the Eve of Raya

i'm alone in the house (as usual) but this is something new for me during raya. i'm supposed to be packing to spend raya with my family, but i'm too tired after baking two types of cookies Butterscotch Buttons and Biskut Arab (i'm posting the recipe in my nora's dapur blog). plus, i always hate packing. really. looking back, i can honestly say that for all my overseas travel and umrah i always packed the day before i left.

well, let's not digress here. i do feel a bit of raya cheer, but it's not like what it used to be. i miss the raya celebration at home in Kuala Terengganu, when everybody's back and the house is suddenly crowded with more than 5 cars in front, and with people everywhere from the kitchen to the porch outside. i miss the canon shots to signal the breaking of fast and imsak, and also for raya. i miss seeing mother's happy face when all her children and grandchildren come back.

of course, nostalgia won't bring my mother back. nor can i celebrate raya in terengganu anymore. so, i've to make do with what i have, because i still have my family. which is why, on thursday calls were made to my siblings to plan the raya itinerary. that was enough to lift my spirits.

i'm still sleepy. god, i hate packing.

Friday, September 18, 2009

On this Friday

i woke today with a feeling of joy. of course, who won't be, since the raya hols has officially started and despite the bundles of unmarked scripts (which i do hope i've the discipline to finish), i'm as happy as a lark. or as happy as a linnet, as Yeats would have put it.

anyway, i still have the cold so i've to pop the pills. i made a big mistake last Wednesday when i took a tiny flu pill and then fell asleep in the hooligans class. no kidding! i was already drowsy by the time i reached their class but i fought the sleepiness and wanted to finish off the literature component syllabus. the assistant monitor saw my face and asked "teacher kenapa teacher nampak mcm nak nangis?" they all saw that i was too drowsy to teach. so i apologised and said i couldn't possibly teach them in this state and just slept. i did manage to see the half hidden grins on all their faces - because i always scold students who sleep in the class.

of course, raya this year won't be the same without my mother. but then i still have my siblings. and nephews and nieces. and grandnieces and grandnephews. after all those years of social awkwardness, i finally learnt to appreciate my family and friends.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

disgust at such a response

my niece forwarded me a fwded email about a snip of a blog which i totally can feel the heat rising to my face after reading it; and obviously i would have give the person who cussed a piece of my mind. please read.

Ni aku jumpa dalam blog someone yg xpuas hati utk satu interview.
Org ni bakal grad dlm AI. Aku saje letakkan kat sini utk kita
renung-renungkan bersama.....

Baik. Aku rasa seperti mau bunuh orang.

Pernah baca posting aku tentang abang panda yg drive lexus?

Alkisahnya, aku ke pejabatnya, untuk interview kerja. Bersiap sekadarnya
dengan sepasang baju kurung, memakai sedikit lipstick warna pink. Pendek
kata sesimple yang mungkin.

Yang penting adalah portfolio. Dimana portfolio inilah senarai sistem yg
pernah aku bangunkan. Tak banyak, tetapi cukup untuk meyakinkan aku punya
kemahiran php.

Sampai saja dipejabatnya, aku dapati ada 8 candidates yg tgh tunggu turn.
Dan aku punya turn. Dan aku tak nampak abang panda itu.

Sempat aku berbual dengan candidates yg lain. Semua pun apply post junior
programmer. Dan hati aku agak senang bila candidates yg lain nampaknya
sumanya fresh graduates tanpa portfolio. Bermakna aku punya sedikit
kelebihan kerana yang lain belum pernah bangunkan sebarang sistem.

Aku pun masuk untuk sesi temuduga. Dua orang interviewer adalah perempuan,
dalam awal 30-an. Dua orang lagi lelaki. Mereka membelek2 resume aku dengan
muka yg agak kurang berminat. Yang menghairankan, mereka langsung tidak
membelek portfolio aku.

Dan, inilah saat yang tiba2 membuatkan aku berang. Apabila salah seorang
interviewer berkata kepada aku..

?°Sory ye dik. Kami tau adik ni bwk portfolio sendiri. Tapi company ini
lebih prefer org yg slim, presentable. Why not u kurangkan berat badan n
try again,?± Sambil tersenyum sumbing.

Kepada Nurul Fatheha Zainal Alam, a.k.a interviewer yang tidak beradab.
Saya tahu anda baca blog saya. Jadi sila baca dengan teliti.

Sebab kenapa orang Melayu tidak maju adalah kerana wujud golongan
berfikiran jumud seperti anda. Sejak bila programmer perlu secantik miss
world? Adakah anda cuma mahu programmer yang tidak menutup kepala, dengan
rambut perang seperti bulu beruk terkena clorox, dengan berpakaian skirt
pendek menampakkan betis besar tiang letrik dan berbaju ketat menampakkan
perut boyot seperti anda? Atau programmer yang mengenakan mekap tebal
seperti mak nyah, memantis kening senipis mungkin dan cuma tahu pakai
visual basic?

Maaf, jika bahasa aku biadap.

Tetapi terima kasih kepada abang panda a.k.a Encik Fawwaz kerana
menjanjikan aku post junior programmer sebaik sahaja aku grad, keesokan
harinya setelah aku tinggalkan portfolio aku kepadanya. Tetapi Encik
Fawwaz, saya tidak mahu bekerja di syarikat anda dengan manusia yang tidak
tahu adab. Dan tolonglah update staf anda dengan current programming
language. Sesungguhnya untuk bersaing dengan company lain, simpanlah VB yg
sudah berhabuk itu.

Noktah. Itu prinsip saya. Maafkan saya. Saya tidak mahu bekerja di sebuah
software house yang stafnya berpakaian seperti pelayan kelab malam. Saya
harap Encik Fawwaz tidak tersinggung. Anggaplah ini satu teguran, untuk
memastikan kejayaan yang diraih adalah dengan keberkatanNya.

and bawah ni ialah reply drpd salah seorang interviewer yg baca blog org

Aa'ha said,
March 11, 2009 @ 12:42 am

What the hell do you mean by your redish wording? You just so fuckin rude!
Let me say this;
U tak lulus temuduga dengan kitaorg sebab kitaorang dah buat homework pasal
you berdasarkan maklumat dlm resume yg u hantar seminggu sebelum interview
and we?¯all trackback ur blog.
we all rasa u ni islamic freak berdasarkan posting u dlm blog.
guess what? we all tak mahu org mcm u sebab u nanti bermasalah nak
accompany customer karaoke @ minum2. sebab u org kampung yg tak tau sosial
dan pakai tudung macam mak nenek!!
kalau u rasa nak keja dekat company besar u better jgn kolot sangat sebab
u?¯ll never make it dgn cara u ni.u perlu sedar u hidup tahun 2009 bukan
zaman nabi dulu!!
and thanx-a-lot sbb tak terima job ni becoz we all memang allergic dgn org
yg konon2 islamik mcm u.

apa kata u try mintak keja dengan masjid kat kampung you?? buat sistem
masjid ke?


okay. first, i would say the person who cussed the poor girl is a bloody idiot who blabs a lot but knows nothing. i would say this person is in his or her 20s, very ignorant, or probably just a 30-40 year old ignorant idiot.

i have met people like this before. i've even mingled with some of them socially in the past. they are caught up in their tiny world of materialism and fame. and money. and to be in the "in" crowd. to keep up with the joneses, so to speak. i know of someone who is still like that even though he's nearing 40.

of course, parroting such pursuits will only damage your soul. only stubborn mules will refuse to realise their mistakes even though the truth is in front of them. and those who are wise will change. to the person who cussed the poor girl, let me ask you this question. suppose you cuss and humiliate a lady who wears hijab, because, well, she wears hijab. and suppose you have a heart attack and only then you realise that she's a cardiologist. what would you do? of course, the lady would help you, even though you've cussed her. but if i were her (and i'm not as good as the lady), i would just leave you to die. but then again, i'd be committing a sin. hmmm *pondering*

it's a choice, but in the end, one group will be smiling, the other will rot in hell. take your pick. and to the one who cussed, may you grow boils and warts on your behind so that you will take time to ponder real hard - especially when you go to the little house.

haha just kidding. may allah enlighten your heart.

p.s. btw, i wasnt really kidding about the boils.

Monday, September 14, 2009

on med leave

this year alone i had flu 7 times. yep. 7 times. when i was in terengganu, the maximum mc i would get in a year was 2. but one can't compare KL to KL - KT is still unspoilt in many ways - my house is quite secluded from the blaring traffic. SS faces the sea, therefore i had plenty of fresh sea breeze everyday.

my house in KL is quite in the middle of the city. behind the house is a small road which was unrelatively quiet 10 years back. now, i can hear the sounds of vehicles at every imaginable hour, including at ungodly hours.

the dust is everywhere, so are the fumes. at school, with the kind of students i've to teach, i'm not surprised if it has to be disinfected - because the students throw things everywhere. it's often that i use hand sanitiser after climbing stairs and holding on to the banister.

but this time, the flu is serious. i hope to Allah that this isnt H1N1. whenever one has a flu, everyone is scared (and there was, once upon a time, when getting a flu is as common and safe as getting diarrhea)

after self-medicating with clarityne, i woke up this morning feeling like there's a tonne of bricks on my head. i reasoned that i couldn't possibly handle the hooligans in this condition. so i went to the clinic, and as soon as i entered the room, the doctor straight away put on a mask. he didn't say anything to alarm me, so i assumed that mine is just normal viral flu.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

i miss my mother

last thursday night, i read my usual weekly yaasin, and did terawih prayers. as taught by my late father, i always pray to Allah that the pahala i get from reading quran will be given to them. since the start of Ramadhan, i had been hoping to get visits from my parents via the dream, just like i had when my father passed away in 1991 (he wore a white robe, was smiling and had a glow on his face).

i had the dream all right. i dreamed that my mother had come back to life. i remember that i hugged her and told her "nora sayang mak", something that i was too proud to tell when she was alive. my father was there too, but my mother took centre stage in my dream since i feel so guilty. i think i owe my mother a lot of apology - i always feel that i wasnt a good daughter when she was alive and wish i can redeem my wrongdoings.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Some Thoughts about the Hooligans

those who're in my fb would have read my status last night - that i dreaded going into my hooligans' class. really, today i'm supposed to have 7 periods back-to-back, and i've to start my monday by entering their class.

what a way to start the day.

since their vocabulary is near to nil (some are really that bad, they're almost illiterate), i've to resort to using short passages to teach them reading comprehension. which is a nightmare, since the 1119 paper requires them to read a one-page text. well, i guess a little something is better than a lot of things. and so, with my noble intention as my cushion against any disappointment or anger, i carried a whole set of exercise books and worksheets.

the class, was in its usual state. some refused to stand when the monitor greeted me. the real hooligans were either sleeping and refused to wake up or talking with their "gang" members. they, of course, ignored me. i was frustrated when i saw a boy, who turned over a new leaf just a few weeks ago, suddenly became a jahil again.

there were some decent students, who were trying to pay attention, but were distracted. or shall i say, they thrive on distraction and welcome it gladly?

i tried to teach them some vocabulary items, but i'm the kind of teacher who can't stand having distracted students. and so i delivered my sermon today.

it's kind of sad because i pity them. i pity their ignorance, and their bleak future. i pity their complacence, and also pity them because they're stuck in the same social class, without ever having any thoughts of trying to break away to make their lives better.

that never enters their minds. all they know is doing some part-time job somewhere and getting paid. education isn't worth anything to them. i had to tell them that yes, they might enjoy the money, but without any paper qualification, they will not be able to live a comfortable life.

at the end of the class, i scanned the class trying to see any signs of change or repentance.

none what so ever.

noisy as usual. indifference. ignorance.

i felt frustrated and walked out.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

the 1 day trip back to KT

my siblings and i received letters summoning us to appear for a private hearing of our late mother's property and the inheritance last thursday.

it was good to be back, my brothers all drove down with their wives while we the sisters took the flight back. instead of staying at the house (which now looks like a jungle) we stayed at a resort, while abg mi stayed a nearby hotel. he was sweet enough to send some bubur lambuk, tauhu fa, soya bean drink and some pulut lepa (one of the best in KT, which is sold in Ladang) to me for my sahur. unfortunately though there're only coffee stirrers in the room so you can just imagine how excruciating it was to use it as a spoon. of course, the next morning when i related to abg mi what i did, he let out a loud guffaw in the car when we're on our way to fetch kak dah.

someof you know me as a foodie, but what you don't know is i come from a family of foodies. abg mi is a good example of a foodie, some of the reasons of his return to terengganu over the years was to eat! when kak dah was sitting nicely in the car, he started to babble excitedly that his friend told him there's this awesome kerutup ayam sold at pasar ramadhan at chabang tiga. he had already scoured the place, and i'm not surprised if he had bought it for his sahur back in shah alam. and that's not all. his list included the famous bukit tok beng keropok lekor, he was willing to take numbers and queue for more than 1 hour!!! yup that's my brother. he was willing to wait for the man to start selling pak man nobat's nasi minyak which is at 3.30pm before he went back to shah alam. abg mi found out that pak man nobat has a stall at the pasar ramadhan at taman syahbandar. pak man nobat's nasi minyak is my family's favourite, and is a must for everyone in the family whenever we are in KT. what makes it so delicious is that the kurma is so fragrant that it leaves the smell on your fingers after the rice has settled in your tummy. the beef is tender, and i love the urat part. and, instead of the usual chunky acar, pak man nobat's acar is a finely pureed pineapple acar cooked in chilli sauce. after getting the tip from abg mi, kak dah and i hunted for the man selling the nasi minyak at taman syahbandar at nearly 4pm. even the business of buying keropok lekor can throw us into a lengthy discussion on what makes a good keropok. everybody has his own reasons to defend their favourites. i for one prefer mak nab's keropok because it contains less preservatives, but abg zaki doesnt like it because it becomes slimy after a few days in the fridge and crumbles after sitting in the freezer (i told him that's because there's no preservatives). abg mi's favourite at bukit tok beng keeps very well in the freezer, but then again, we don't know the amount of preservatives they use.

if you notice i havent said anything about the meeting. the meeting went well, but just to show you that we are really food connoisseurs. this is the reason why we love having family gatherings because there'll be serious eating activity, and why we love buying things associated with food and feasts.

Monday, August 31, 2009

The Buka Puasa with Nephews n Nieces

(pls click on the title to view pics in facebook)
it has been a tradition for my family that the younger generation would go out during raya and bond with each other. it is a fun thing to do, since most of the cousins don't see each other that often until we congregate for raya.
past gatherings were done at various places including pizza hut, starbucks, and at pantai batu buruk (at night). when attending the gathering i always get this warm fuzzy feeling of familiness and togetherness, just like in the song Family Reunion by The Ojays, from Madea's Family Reunion OST.

It's so nice to see
All the folks you love together
Sittin' and talkin' 'bout
All the things that's been goin' down

this year, we had it earlier - in the form of a buka puasa at my place. actually, i didn't really volunteer to be the host, it was "volunteered" by a niece on my behalf who said that it'd be a good idea to buka puasa at my place. *sigh* actually they wanted to have OM burger at ampang jaya after the buka puasa...

Lina requested that i made tiramisu, and i really reduced the amount of sugar so that it tasted just nice. i even scraped the sugar topping off from the spongefingers. the cleaning lady came as usual, but the cleanliness of the newly mopped floor was marred when i was carrying the mix fruit cordial and the handle came off, splashing the orange liquid content everywhere *sigh* thank god lina was there. we then went to find ayam pusing, but didn't find any at ampang jaya so at last we bought 2 roasted chickens at maxvalu. it was nice to have people in the house, i didn't mind one bit when my nephew in law romy slept on the carpet (his favourite pastime is to sakat me, because we're of the same age. he can be annoying at times). then i made padprik, and later Abg Aziz's children came (inas, nana, atie and hudai), then farah & yusri and abang & dian. not many attended, granted, but we had fun and there was a lot of laughter the whole night. abang's guffaws were very much distinct. the main topic was facebooking, and from a comment about how abang posted the trailer to old tv shows like the fantasy island, little house on the prairie, set us all in a long discussion, while some proclaimed to be younger because they couldn't remember all these, while those who could were older.

then it was buka puasa time. even then they still had time to sakat me, as i bought paper plates and they complained how the fragile plates could collapse under the weight of the food. i was even sent to maxvalu to buy more drinks as the drinks in the tong finished. after praying, we still talked and talked, with frequent trips to the buffet table.

in the end we're all stuffed. really. i archly asked abang if he still wanted the OM burger. the answer was no. and so at 11 pm last night, after a night of food orgy, the buka puasa ended.

it's tiring, but a nice one. we came up with a conclusion that we've become more "matured" over the years as now the gatherings are done at our houses instead of eating out.