Life without my mother

most of you already know that after my last entry, my mother had passed away, at 6.29pm 25th january, to be exact.

i had psyched myself that my mother wouldnt be around much longer, especially after i saw her suffering, gasping for air. i was surprised at myself too, because i was calm, and not like when i was 18 and i lost my father.

my frens commented that i sounded strong on the phone. probably because i felt satisfied i had spent time taking care of her during her last few days. i had asked for her forgiveness, although i didnt know whether she heard or understood amidst her halucination after scores of morphin patches were put and after she had the minor stroke. i had, as some of my frens put it, redha her passing on.

we went back to KT on that night itself, and everybody was tired since we didnt sleep the whole night waiting at the ICU waiting hall. but we arrived safely in the wee hours. i had told my neighbour to tell the neighbourhood, but it was still a pleasant surprise to see neighbours and my SS colleagues turning up.

in times of need, my friends are around to lend me their shoulder, even ina who is far away in Sudan. ina, thanks for the call. i really appreciate it.

today i went to visit my parents grave before returning to KL. i cried, the cry of a child so loved by the parents, and who finally, in adulthood, began to realise the love she has, and the love and the sacrifice the parents made for her.

islam teaches us to accept qada and qadar. and that's what i'm doing.

i do feel lonely though, but my frens are here to cheer me up.

may allah bless your soul, mother.