A Working holiday

now that's an oxymoron isnt it? how can you have a working holiday? if you're a teacher, you're used to it as the JPN people envy the teachers for getting a lot of holidays, so they have to be party poopers and spoil our parr-tay. what on earth are you talking about? you may ask.

bundles and bundles of exam scripts to be marked, that's what i'm talking about!

yes, we have to slave through our holidays to finish marking, just because the JPN people want the marks to be submitted on a certain date, usually during the holidays! well, isnt that just nice? and what do the JPN people do? sit on their chairs, dabble here and there for awhile, then go to some kedai kopi.

and what about us the teachers?

we have to come to school before a certain time. now, the latecomers get to have the prefects take down our names (like we're some students to be degraded like that). then we have to teach. we have to manage the class of more than 30 students. mind you, if you get a very obedient class you're lucky. then we have to mark the exercises. we have to give homework. we cant go out to some kedai kopi, we have to eat at the school canteen. we're sent to some courses, usually done by JPN at some crappy hotels. we ve to become camp facilitators at the very last minute, due to very late call letters.guess where do they come from?

and yet we're still underpaid, and yet it takes more than 10 years for a DG41 teacher to be promoted to DG44, never mind that some of us have more brains than those who sit in those comfy chairs.

now if you'll excuse me i've to shop to relieve the stress.

temptation part deux

remember about womenfolk having 9 lusts? it's struck again. i just bought an aigner bag (before i made the vow), and my itchy hands have been culprits into signing into ebay (just like i blame my feet for walking into Habib in Ampang and coming out with a glittering purchase). and there are too many gorgeous bags... gorgeous, dahling, simply gorgeous (read that in british accent). i spotted some nice pink dooney & bourke, they cost around US99. and that excludes shipping.

and while i was thinking of the cute pink bag, i remember my vow, and i also remember that i've another trip coming up next year, and i sighed a long sigh. plus, there are just too many expenses. especially after looking at my citibank statement. not good at all.

i should just drool at the pic then.

Trauma

have you ever gone through a stage of life when everything was going so well (or just passable) and then suddenly your world came crashing down?

yes, you must have. otherwise, you're not a human. nobody lives a perfect life, unless you're Barbie. last monday, there's a break-in at my house, the second in 9 months. thank god for the alarm system.

though physically the house is okay, the trauma stays with me. it envelops like a second skin, and i hate that. i get paranoid nowadays, but sometimes it pays to be paranoid. having said though, such traumatic experiences prevent you from being free, as you're constantly living in fear, and right now i can feel the strain.

it's a cruel world we're living in.

"don't make my blood go upstairs"

this was supposedly uttered by one of the local film producers, and it was featured in the locally produced film "Pengantin Popular".

so, today's topic will be about anger. yup, the green eyed monster. at school, most of the time anger is justified especially when students dont do their homework. or if they're playing truant from school. or playing football using empty water bottles as the ball....

anyway.

today, after my briskwalk, i decided to have my favourite McD's chicken porridge. the counter was deserted, and there were 2 staff there. okay, so far so good. another few steps away, and came this 1 guy who went to the counter. i thought he was placing an order. as 1 girl was listening to him attentively, another had her back turned to me. she turned around, and i know she could see me from the corner of her eye, but she just ignored me. hello, cant you see there's a customer waiting??? to make it worse, it seemed that the guy wasnt placing an order, he was just having a chat with the 1st girl!! he finally noticed that i was waiting (fuming, as it was) and told her she had a customer. yes, i could feel "my blood go upstairs" never mind that it's been malaysianised, i was just damn !@@## to say the least. no, i didnt scold her. i was cold, as cold as ice.

then, my favourite porridge wasnt available for the day. argh!!! so i had to change my order. and because she had already keyed in the order, the manager had to be called to change. and i, still feeling the blood boiling, asked

"are you the manager?"

shocked, he nodded.

"just to complain that your staff gave a slow service".

i didnt elaborate further as i was too angry.

look, working in the only McD branch in KT doesnt mean that you can do sloppy work. especially when you think that people in KT are "tak kisah" people. i refused to be bullied. they had better learn that there are discerning people around who expect the best service.

but being a softie, once i got into my car i realised something. now i ve to stop going to McD for awhile. i might have been blacklisted now *sigh*

The Vow of a Shopaholic

i paid my tailor a visit today, along with my silks. when i told her there are more cloths for her to sew, she exclaimed "but you have too many clothes already!"

and that woke me up from my cloth buying frenzy. yes, it sobered me up, especially after i remember that my closet is so packed with my baju kurungs and kebayas that all of them are wrinkled. and i counted how many pieces more i have with her - 9 pieces, which she'll sew in stages. i kept thinking of the money i could have saved (don't we all), but then i agree with the survey they did about malaysian women - that we shop when we're under a lot of stress. hey, i'm in a cluster school, that's enough to give any teacher a high b.p.

but then, i know i've to learn to be frugal.

therefore, i'll make a vow to myself that:

1. i will not make anymore cloth purchases no matter how cheap or how cute they look especially if the cloths are pink in colour.

2. i will not shop at kinokuniya, marks & spencer, habib, vincci, nose or any other shoe shops or dine at chili's when i'm in KL.

3. i will not buy any other handbags no matter how cheap they are...hmmph... on second thought, i still can't forget that blue Kenneth Cole handbag....okay, okay...focus, focus, be frugal...be frugal...

4. i will not eat out, but i will cook and buy fresh produce from the wet market. (hey, i've done that already!)

5. i will not use my credit card this month (this is the biggest challenge).

*long sigh*

temptation

islam says that womenfolk have 9 lusts. i dont know whether this is a boon or a bane, but after today's episode, i think that it's going to be a bane to my purse.

it all started a few days ago, when i received my RM625 rebate. i was thinking of the turquoise i bought in Mekah, and it's high time that i have it set on a ring. so i asked my colleague to ask her hubby (he is a goldsmith) to fashion a ring for me. okay, that will cost me roughly RM500.

then i remembered that i have a piece of kain tenun terengganu with bunga songket bertabur, and i was thinking of getting a piece of silk from Suterasemai (let's just say i'm proud to wear terengganu's locally produced fabrics). the pink woven silk and woven cloth with bunga songket bertabur
i went with my friend shima. the problem began when i was greeted with bolts and bolts of silk in vibrant colours and also soft hues. a girl can get crazy there, it's like being lost in a candy store. and instead of buying a piece of pink silk for the top, i ended up buying 3 pieces!! the blue woven silk and the checked woven silk

and suterasemai silk isnt cheap.... *sigh* but then how can you say no to such gorgeous colours? i told shima i m not going to follow her to the shop again on saturday....better to stay away from costly temptation and to start saving.

ah, temptations, temptations!!

p.s. to ina, the suterasemai HQ is at Chendering (that's where i went) and there's a shop in town at jalan air jernih called suteraemas. the silk is around RM70 per metre and it's dry clean only.

why red poppies?

why indeed? before answering, does anyone know Wordsworth's "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"?

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,

okay, "gay" in Wordsworth's time means to be happy, so dont get any ideas, guys. Well, when i studied this poem during my TESL days, i wondered how he felt like, and how could a male poet be so mesmerised over some yellow flowers.

Until i saw the red poppies at the English and French countryside last year. i think they are more vibrant than the yellow daffodils. imagine, seeing a carpet of red poppies, bobbing their heads when the wind was blowing.

Unfortunately though, we cannot plant poppies here, no matter how many times we try to convince the authority that this is only an ornamental plant, and that we have no hidden agenda.

i didnt take pics of the flowers though, but like Wordsworth, they are forever in my mind.

buzzzz busy bee

i forgot that July is a busy month for the teachers here. as usual, everything was told to us at the very last minute, from school level camp to the district level camp. i do not like this very unprofessional attitude, we're supposed to drop everything and just become the facilitator to a camp, even though we' re told 4 hours before our slot began. not professional at all.

yes, i received a phone call yesterday. and i do not like to be told at the eleventh hour. so i did what i always do when i'm among family members or with my old time friends. i yelled in the staffroom in frustration. which shocked everybody, actually. then i found out that i was supposed to be the committee member on duty today, which meant i had to be there before 8. and i have literature class at 10. so that meant i stayed at school for 4 hours on a friday. and tomorrow is a school day *sigh*

Trip to Alor Setaq

my friend Kak Emah had extended the invitation to visit her in her hometown for so long, in fact ever since she moved to alor setar early this year. i had the occasion to visit her this weekend, as terengganu is celebrating Sultan Mizan's birthday today.

i arrived in Alor Setar on a wet Friday morning, and Kak Emah cooked some nasi lemak lemuni and told me it's a healthier version. her mother told her to bring me to lots of places (which we didnt go, opting for shopping instead) then we went to pasar panjang, aptly named because it covered the entire stretch of road.

in the evening, i had the chance to eat fruits at the fruit orchard, as kak emah brought me to kuala nerang, where we picked rambutans from her family friend's orchard. i could easily reach the rambutans, and ate them. then we headed to her relative's house, who also had a fruit orchard of duku and durians. i dont care much for duku, but ate my fill of durian, including pulut and durian with coconut milk. the relatives were a nice couple, they kept telling me i could ask for a transfer to the school near their home. anyway, it was a very tiring day, and with mangosteens, cempedak and rambutans we headed back. once we reached kak emah's house, after prayers, we slept. didnt have dinner at all.

on saturday morning i had a breakfast of thosai, which i think has more character than chapati. kak emah showed me her school which is going to celebrate the centennial celebration next week, istana anak bukit (which is more majestic looking than istana badariah and has Siamese influence in the decor; but then again, terengganu royalty doesnt like to show off so that's a relief) and everything else in alor setar. which is of course, much bigger than KT.

in the afternoon, we made a trip to Padang Besar. i left my passport in the suitcase so we didnt cross the border. on our way there, we had to pass a sugar cane plantation and the view was fantabulous, it felt like we're in the english countryside, on a wheatfield. we arrived at the bazaar and stalls where thais talked in that sing-a-song voice. still, in the 1 hour that we were in Padang Besar, i bought a bag, 1 shirt, 2 blouses and some souvenirs.

to go anywhere with kak emah, one has to understand that plans can be changed, and time isnt fixed. that also means that she'll cut the time so close u'll be very anxious. we reached her house from Padang Besar at 8.50. i had 15 minutes to shower, pray, dress, pack all my stuff and dash to the bus station.

i enjoyed my weekend tremendously, but the best has yet to come. on the east-west highway at around 2am, we saw 2 elephants and a baby elephant, on the side of the road. this are real mccoy creatures, not some tame elephants in the zoo. so i was thankful that i could see those gentle creatures.

and that's the end of the story.

Surprise!!!!

i was waiting for my Literature girls to turn up for their class at 8. so in the meantime, i opened the drama text of An Inspector Calls. i read the dialogues, scribbled some notes, and also made a mental note that they're supposed to finish Act 2 tonight.

suddenly Maryam called and apologised saying that since she's going to be in the classic mini cooper, she'd be late.

oh well, i thought, that should be okay then.

8.20pm. still no sign of them. i heard the roar of the car engine, but no soul could be seen outside.that's odd. where were they? or was it a figment of my imagination?
8.35pm. still no sign of them.
8.45pm there was a knock on the door, and Shahirah (who dropped the subject) was there with a troubled look and said "teacher, i've a problem. i want to take literature"

i was horrified. my first thought was, God, do i have the time to teach her in time for SPM?? it's less than 4 months away to SPM... as all these thoughts were swimming in my head, she said "teacher, there's something in your eye. close your eyes first".

the next thing i knew when i opened my eyes were the Literature girls, and Amanina the debater shouting "Surprise!!!!" with a birthday cake and candles that refused to blow out. and they sang me the birthday song in front of the door. i was really touched. they even told me that my LCDS president Jim and v.president Suveen wanted to join but they had some other matters to attend to.

and so the 5 girls and i were happily eating the cake, and exchanging stories.

i had a lovely time tonight.

and they never did finish Act 2.

Had A Bad Day

ever since i got mad for paying a lot for a small piece of chicken at the school canteen, i ve been avoiding the canteen when it's time for lunch. which means, i bring cooked lunch from home. which means, i'm always late for school.

today of all days, i was super duper late, since i cooked sambal tumis udang, and i made sure there was nothing in the kitchen sink. as usual, i was speeding ... and asked my fren to do me a favour. but trouble started as soon as i reached school, because the madam upstairs and her underling were waiting, and to make it worse, the underling had a camera (what's this? trying to punish the teachers? i d give him a piece of my mind should he ever do that). i know that probably i'm blacklisted, but never mind, sometimes it doesnt pay to be in a good school if you're damn stressed. i guess i'll ask for that transfer.

to make it even worse, i had a slight problem regarding some reading cards. i was near to my wit's end thinking about it. so stressed was i that i immediately took a nap after i reached home.

tomorrow s another battle. please god give me the strength to stay sane.

Rabindranath Tagore's poem

taken from The Gardener (1913)

You are the evening cloud floating in the sky of my dreams.
I paint you and fashion you ever with my love longings.
You are my own, my own, Dweller in my endless dreams!

Your feet are rosy-red with the glow of my heart's desire,
Gleaner of my sunset songs!
Your lips are bitter-sweet with the taste of my wine of pain.
You are my own, my own, Dweller in my lonesome dreams!

With the shadow of my passion, i have darkened your eyes, Haunter
of the depth of my gaze!
I have caught you and wrapt you, my love, in the net of my music.
You are my own, my own, Dweller in my deathless dreams!

O What A Day!

yesterday was the last day the group met. we had vegetarian nasi lemak, courtesy of one of the members, and talk about Indian food and culture was plenty, even amidst our discussion. i like indian food as well, i think it has character and is earthy, if compared to some other dishes.

and during one of our discussion "detours", one of the members had this brilliant member - hey, why not we have a trip to India? her idea was accepted instantaneously with so much excitement and comments, including yours truly. ooh, to see Taj Mahal!! i can just imagine the whole group, talking excitedly about food. we're all culture vultures and definitely foodies, which is really a bonus. i do believe that to travel you must have companions who have a lot of things in common with you, if not, you'll not enjoy the trip.

later on that day, i met up with mozie and splurged at Mark & Spencer. don't ask how much i spent. it's excruciating just to talk about it. we later had lunch (and i, as usual, ate indian influenced dish).

later i had to rush home to fetch mother to go for tahlil at kak sham's house. i thought we could beat the jam, instead, we were caught in it. and what's worse, it's a friday. took us 1 hour to cross the city to get to PJ.

and now, i'm back at home. on my way back, i started missing my family and friends. i guess i should start applying for the transfer then.

my birthday

and so i turned 35 yesterday. early in the morning my group sang me the birthday song, which could be heard by the other groups.

my nieces treated me to dinner at my favourite restaurant, chilli's. we were starving that we ate and ate. no cake though, didnt have any space in my tummy for that.

so of course, how does it feel like to be a year older?

a bit wiser, of course, but that also means that i do stupid things from time to time and i never learn from mistakes. there is happiness but also disappointment, there's a smile and yet there's a tear.

but most important of all, i've learnt and still learning and i've lived and still living because of the grace of God.

the week so far

i'm here in KL, suffering from emotional eating, thanks to our annual gathering, which means work, work and more work. i'm eating under a lot of stress, plus munching keeps the eyes awake (though not necessarily means the brain is awake too)

after the shocking news that shook the entire family clan and threw one of the family members into the unwanted limelight; my family has more or less, settled with what's been happening. as usual, i'm not going to spend time on this, as i do not want to invite any unnecessary and unsavoury comments from bloggers.

there's not much to write, since i'm concentrating on the meeting, perhaps i'll write again after a few days.

the cyber in-thing?

honestly, i cant keep track with all these cyber trends anymore. a decade ago, to have one's own homepage was enough. i still have mine, floating somewhere in the cyber space, forgotten i guess. then 6 years ago my fren fai told me about blogging. didnt have a clue about it until she introduced me to mymesra blog.

and now, a friendster and 3 blogs later, i was introduced to facebook, the so -called in thing right now (please dont tell me there's another craze, because honestly, i cant keep up!). i couldnt be bothered at first, because i thought it's silly and childish. really, sending louis vuitton bags and diamonds to frens? i wouldnt mind it if they give it for real (yeah right, dream on!!). my frens list grew, and so did my list of frens gift requests. as of last nite, i had accumulated 106 requests. my fren shidah told me that i'm not a good fren if i dont like facebook. i told her i've different ways of showing how i can be a good fren, but not through sending cyber chocolates or bunnies.

however, my frens list includes my tesl and seri puteri frens, esp. my seri puteri frens, some whom i havent seen since we left school. i guess it's a good way to reunite with frens. so here i am, accepting requests for the last few hours and still, i've some 40 requests left.

the calm after the storm

today mr tan asked me "eh i thought u're taking an MC today?"

yeah well, i thought so too. had migraine in the morning to prove it. or may be it's just PMS...plus the 2 weeks full of mayhem.

the storm has subsided. the lcds camp is over, the school's annual camp is over (oh yeah, with some interesting story), the debate is over (we lost to sultan ismail, our traditional rival in debate for years) and today i made an appointment to go to the spa.... until

"nora, pasal creative writing tu".... began one of the four ladies upstairs.

"kejap kak nor....petang ni saya nak pegi spa dulu, esok kita cakap pasal creative writing ye"

*groan* they HAD to spoil my day. it was decreed by the madam upstairs that for creative writing in english project (led by moi, because we're a cluster school and so we should show our talents in writing?), all students must write a creative essay in class next week.

soon in the afternoon i skipped happily to the spa. no, of course not...i did not skip. but it was a soothing and relaxing time for me. footbath...massage...facial...ah...it's nice to pamper oneself. i hadnt felt that relaxed for quite some time. may be i should do this on a monthly basis....

The Retro is in

background music: Abba's Thank You for the Music

during the LCDS annual camp in cheneh i was inspired by Shukri's john travolta's famous boogey dance in Saturday Night Fever. he danced to the tune of Bee Gee's Staying Alive. hey, how about using the 70s as the theme for the annual dinner?

i know some of the members are not too happy, i could have chosen the 80s, since the trend seems to be going back to that era, but i think the 70s era is interesting. where else can you find the era that had bell bottoms, platforms, maxis (not the telco, but the plural form of maxi) sideburns, afro hair, disco dancing, starsky and hutch, cagney and lacey, charlie's angels, abba, bee gees and boney m? by the way, i was a child of the 70s. i grew up listening to abba, bee gees and boney m. i watched starsky and hutch, cagney and lacey and charlie's angels. in malaysia that would be listening to hail amir and uji rashid, or sharifah aini with her long hair, and watching her act with latif ibrahim in a series of movies with "esok" as the titles - "tiada esok bagi mu" "esok masih ada" and god knows what else.

cant wait till the dinner. am going to have fun!

Busy, busy, busy

when i came back from umrah, i anticipated that i was going to be busy, what with the LCDS annual camp, and other school activities. but i never thought that once the school re-opened for the 2nd half of the year, i would be busy non-stop.

the LCDS annual camp was held a few days after the school re-opened. because of a public holiday and because our menteri besar declared one day as terengganu state holiday (since we won the SUKMA), my committee and i had less time to settle the last few things before we set off for the camp in cheneh. but we did good, the children looked smart in their LCDS t-shirts (i wore one too) we were off to cheneh. i anticipated that cheneh is a jin bertendang place (direct translation: where the djinn is kicking, meaning a remote area), and i expected it to be keras (haunted), but i dare say my students had fun, despite everything.

the place is nestled between hills and jungles and palm plantation. it's a big place, since it has a lake for kayaking, PLKN hostels and sites, obstacle course ground, a livestock nursery, the main office and the resort itself. the students only had to pay RM50 per head per day, and that covers 6 meals a day. plus, they got to sleep in air-conditioned room with water heater and tv (a joy for the soccer fans). after previous camps in tents, hostels, run-down chalets that looked like they were going to fall apart, this was a luxury. the president and the committee handled the activities, and they did this superbly. not many 17 year olds have such leadership abilities to handle societies, and so far none of the LCDS presidents has been a disappointment.

anyway, the manager of the resort and the guides told me some juicy stories about the place. despite the dread and the fear, the students love to listen to such stories. something did happen, but i'm not going to say anymore about this. besides the story of the spooky place, the students love to talk about a member who they find very interesting, but difficult to get close to, since the student's British accent is too dense for anyone to understand. what with the stories, the Anglo-malay student and the other sensational story, i'll bet the students will remember the camp till they reach the golden age.

as soon as i returned from the camp, other tasks awaited - personal favours, actually, from the "people upstairs". this is exactly why i always tell my students to do well in English, so that they will not bother other people when they have to write speeches when they grow up. at the same time, my head of panel was already hunting me for the literature in-house training *groan* and also about training the school debating team *double, triple groans*. after finishing the personal favours, i dived into training the debaters. by the end of the day i was so mentally tired as we had to think of possible POIs and answers to POIs.(postcript: we won the debate to qualify for the inter-district level, beating SMK Chung Hwa Wei Sin and SMKA Sheikh Abdul Malek, our fellow cluster school. good work people!)

and today, i was in Sekayu, for our Annual Camp. not much work to be done, but all the teachers turned up in shifts, since it's our duty to be there, else the empress would be angry.


and so that concludes the rambling for the week.

Love, the blindfold

i told someone straight to the face that she's stupid to fall for her bf, because something bad happened to her. if i hadnt told her that in front of her bf, mishaps might happen. i was angry with the guy, i was also angry with her. but mostly with her. felt like shaking her and say "wake up!! face the reality!!"

but alas, she's blindfolded with this thing called love. what one will do for love. like pretending that everything is all right when you're being cheated. like pretending that he's the one when he doesnt even tell you his darkest secret. like telling yourself that you should believe him even though your guts tell you not to. like feeling confident that you can change a man (wrong!!). like making excuses for him, when there are no excuses. like letting him hit you, because you love him too much and you reason that you should accept him the way he is.

yes, this thing called love can blindfold you into making unwise decisions. but sometimes, only through tears can you learn to be stronger and wiser. hopefully you're still in one piece by that time.

the 4 ladies and Manhattan

Sex & the City fans will know from my title that i'm talking abt the movie. after 2 attempts in 1 day and 2 nights, i finally managed to watch the movie although i could hear the sound of a person eating popcorn and there was one time when i could hear the person burp! cant wait for the DVD to come out, since i'm not sure the censorship board will allow the movie to be screened in Malaysia.

what do i think of the movie? i think it's too short!!! haha 2 hours is a short time for a fan. it's good to see the 4 girls again - carrie, miranda, charlotte and samantha - they're all 4 different characters, but they're all such good friends, sharing the laughter and the tears. to those who dont know, carrie bradshaw (played by sarah jessica parker) is the main character, she has her own column in daily called sex and the city, in which she writes about her friends and their relationships with men. and no, despite the title, it is not a "legal" porno movie or tv series. what makes sex and the city endearing to all its fans is about the friendship shared by the 4 women, their problems with men, and fashion!! sarah jessica parker was the one who made manolo blahnik shoes famous worldwide, and the ensemble used in the show was incredible, as they're all designer clothes - so there's Chanel, Oscar de la Renta, Dior...to name a few. and for cupcake lovers, it was also sex and the city that made cupcakes famous.

some lines are very witty, and mostly, the women talk about real issues that real women face everyday - like betrayal, embarrassment, guilt, friendship, loyalty etc.

my favourite character is Charlotte York, played by Kristin Davis, the sweet naive socialite who believes that there is good in everybody. there is one scene when she tells Carrie that she "curse[s] Big from the day he was born". coming from charlotte, that is hilarious.

this is a chick flick, but a sophisticated chick flick, this has more class than the confessions of a shopaholic or other chick lit or movies, and women should watch this, to celebrate friendships, and ourselves - as women who take control of our lives.

Cookie is no more

earlier this year i bought a very cute Norwegian Forest, who looked like my old cat, Fluffy. Cookie was so cute, her round eyes just made me melt. and despite the steep price, i bought her. as any pedigree cat, she's well-behaved and was so adorable. a big hit with my students. and today, she was run over by a car. it was not done on purpose, i know. but i cant help feeling sad, because my cute Cookie is no more.

the journey home

background song: Crying Out for Me - Mario (R&B lovers would love this song)

i started the journey earlier, at 8.15am, hoping not to get migraine (wrong!). the sun was still hidden behind the clouds, it would have been 6am in mekah/madinah. my car was full of my stuff, 4 bags full of clothes, the zamzam tank, the dates, 4 pairs of new shoes, 2 new handbags and a small pot of sweet basil for my italian cooking. the petrol tank was not full, and the prospect of filling it again with petrol at a raised price just pained me. anyway, thank god for my car (which i'm not going to repeat the cap ayam or whatever since my seri puteri friend ina who's in Sudan, mentioned it in her email). KL roads were okay, the cars were moving smoothly. and when i reached Karak highway, the fun began.

i dont understand why male drivers feel challenged whenever a female driver overtakes them. a few drivers did that to me. oh well... i didnt want to feel stressed on the road so i just let them be. it's good to reach terengganu border, i was coming home. saw a few cars with the Daulat Tuanku stickers. yes, daulat tuanku! and it's even better to see the aquamarine sea, Kapas Island was visible from Kelulut. it was a hot afternoon, but as i reasoned it, it's not as hot as Mekah, so i was thankful. reached KT at 2pm, because i had to make a long detour (thanx to some road construction in Marang).

the journey home made it difficult for me to decide the next course of my life *sigh*

oil rush

every malaysian was waiting in anxiety for pak lah's announcement of the increased price of the petrol. my fren reminded me this as we were lepaking at the Coffee Bean last night. i saw some promuda emails regarding the issue as well, but i cant be bothered with the discussions by the members anyway... and today, while i was happily walking at the KLCC carpark after doing some damage to my pocket, my sister called me "fill up your petrol...the price increases by 70 sen after midnight". ye gads!! and i'm going back on friday!!! i have to fill the tank! at this time i thank god that honda city is a fuel saver.

and so i began my mad dash to my favourite petrol station. thank god for the elevated highway as i sped towards my sister's house (only 10 minutes to reach). which is next to the big petronas station, and i had to pass it to get to my fav station. you can just imagine the queue...it's like seeing big giant bees all congregating at one place for honey or something. and when i arrived at Mobil, the attendant made a sign that says that there's no petrol, but i bet they're reserving it. so i had to make another one round.... and go through the traffic jam again to reach petronas station. had to wait for another half an hour before i reached the petrol pump. at this time, drivers become kiasu, resulting in more jam...at the station itself, as cars are stuck, and cannot exit the station. even as i'm typing this, i can hear the humming sound of the car engines as they're all queueing up to fill the petrol and it's already 10pm.

i guess we should consider cycling to work instead of driving cars. this has been done in London, where i remember seeing men in suits and helmets cycling with knapsacks strapped on their backs. and it's been practised in other Western cities as well, but there's the malaysian weather to consider. it's not as hot as mekah though...

hmm which reminds me of a book i read abt the armageddon/qiamat... the prophecy says of a time when there will be no more petrol...and humankind will go back to using beasts as a norm of transportation...

the bekwahs and the trip to kinokuniya

yesterday my nephew didi held his wedding reception at his maternal grandparents house in Bangsar. it's nice to see him happy with his bride, surrounded by the 2 families. wish my late bro datuk dr aziz was alive to see his son. i could imagine him smiling and making comments, or begin an intellectual discussion about the field of medicine. my bro in law Abg Najib n my fav. bro Abg Mi
Abg Mi's daughter Julia n his wife Kak Madiha
my 2 nephews Dr Badrul n Dr Azri, with their sons


today my brother the other Datuk held a wedding reception for his 2nd son.
Helmi & Fauziah
the family turned up early (except for my fav bro who had to attend another wedding first). since my brother loves to tinker with things, he has no problem in finding PA system as he already has one, with big speakers. the only thing i dont like is i had to listen to malay songs the whole day as the bridegroom instructed his bro to play only malay songs.

my sis in law, my niece and i were busy looking at VIP wives' handbags and shoes (as women usually do), while fanning ourselves as we ushered the guests in. my fav bro finally arrived, along with his family including arshad zamir who was over the moon when i told him one of my students sent her regards to him.

after the kenduri, i decided to stay over at my sister's house in ampang. stopped at KLCC along the way to find the text of The Lion and the Jewel at Kinokuniya, as it is imperative that i get hold of it a.s.a.p. for those who are not in the know, kinokuniya has the best and widest selection of literary texts (serious lit stuff) so it's normal to find literature scholars scouring the racks. and so it was by pure chance that as i was standing at the counter asking if the text is available, a young lady was asking the staff to find books for her. and they're all literary texts. i asked

"are you studying or teaching literature?"
and she smiled brightly and answered "teaching, in UIA"

and so we started talking and discussed the requirements to become lit lecturer in UIA...bla bla bla...and then we started talking about postcolonial literature (that we both specialise in)...yadda yadda yadda...and then i found out the text that i was looking for was not available and that if i place an order, i'd get it in a month. a month??? that's already too late! and seeing my dismay, my newfound friend volunteered to search for the text and send a copy to me. thank god!

the moral of the story? help comes from unexpected quarters.

Shoe Mania

any sex and the city fan will remember the scene when carrie bradshaw sees a manolo blahnik on display and greets it lovingly "hello, lover".
Manolo Blahnik d'Orsay.... arent they darlings?
that exactly comes to my mind when i went shoe shopping with my niece just now. i love wearing mules, i have 20 pairs of them (not up to imelda marcos' or carrie bradshaw's standards). most of them are around 2 1/2 inch heels, which i wear to school, and that also means i stand in them when i'm teaching the students (or invigilating them during exam, since they tend to cheat, and by standing i can prevent any mischief).

before my spiritual journey, my friend Dr As gave me a massage during our gathering and pressed at a spot at my feet which caused me to yell. everybody's first question was, "do you wear high heels?". my frens told me to stop wearing heels and to start wearing decent low-heeled shoes. and i promised them i'll change after the trip.

and so i went shoe shopping today. and i sighed. and sighed. and sighed. because there were rows and rows of pretty mules (most of them are 2 1/2 inch heels) and instantaneously i was reminded of carrie's greetings. ah those days were over! now i've to find scholls, clarks or hush puppies. i did buy sensible mules from scholls, but not before buying pretty green polka dot wedges.

old habits die hard.

The Spiritual Journey: A Journal on Umrah Trip

taken from my Travel Journal

19th May

Sazi and i are on board Saudi Arabian Airlines airbus now. we've been travelling for 1 hour. i forgot how cold it is to be in an internationally bound flight. there are a lot of clouds, so it's quite a bumpy ride.

21st May

there's so much to write but i was tired! we reached Madinah at 11pm Malaysian time which was 6 pm local time. i was cheated SR15 after the porter delivered the bags to the bus. we reached Dalah Taibah Hotel and we were told we could pray at a nearby mosque. the enxt day we prayed subuh there. little did i know the mosque is none other than the famous Nabawi Mosque or the Prophet's Mosque...no wonder it was sooo crowded.

we were taken for a guided tour inside the mosque in the morning at 7 and waited to enter the Raudhah section, which is a piece of Eden on earth. it was also where the Prophet was buried. it 's a crowded place as people all pushed to be able to pray there. i managed to pray there, but in dire circumstances. we were told to exit as soon as we finished sunat prayer.
Prophet's Mosque/Nabawi Mosque

after the prayer, we shopped at Madinah's various shops. true to wha my fried As told me, most shopkeepers speak Malay and were eager to have us enter their shops. they like to call us "ya siti rahmah" i bought scarves, robes, souvenirs.... some sold their wares on the streets, and apart from buying the stuff, we also sampled some local fares. my students told me to try their kebab and ice cream, which we did. i can see why ice cream is so popular, because it's hot there! anyway, it's not always about "melontar" as our ustazah calls shopping, we alsop prayed at the mosque 5 times daily.

on 21ist, we were taken on a guided tour to Quba' Mosque, where we prayed sunat then we went to a dates farm. Quba' Mosque
this was, i think, least resembled what dignified and repentant pilgrims should be like, as we "attacked" the dates shop like there was a Sogo sale. everyone rushed to buy dates and chocolates. then we were served with hot mint and date tea. after the purchase, we made our way to Jabal Uhud, where Uhud Battle took place. this is where Sayyidina Hamzah was buried with 2 other martyrs. we also visited Qiblatain Mosque but we didnt go inside.

23rd May

We went to pray in Raudhah and we said goodbye to the Prophet. at 10am we left Madinah for Mekah and i think i miss Madinah. of course, there are little quirks here and there especially when some big Arab woman was angry with me or the scene when i was turned away because i had shopped goods with me (shopped goods and cameras are not allowed in the mosque) but there was an informal air there. i also miss the ever authoritative young mak guards who would cry out "baji, baji...lesta, lesta" and some other arabic words.

the journey to Mekah took 5 and a half hours. it was a very hot day for us. even "hot" is an understatement. the air was so dry that you have to drink so often. my lips are chapped too, so the lip balm and a bottle of water became my companions - must haves in the bag. anyway, the air was arid and dry, and with it you could feel the hot air. i guess this is what Salman Rushdie calls the desert wind. along the way we only saw barren hills and land and rocks, plenty of them. it's normal to see abandoned shophouses and gas stations, i think it is mostly because of the haat and though they could reap profits from the R&Rers, it could backfire too. we stopped at 1 stop - where there's a restaurant and a mosque. the briyani rice was expensive but dry and salty. still, we continued our journey. oh i forgot to tell you that we miqat at Bir Ali, to mark the beginning of our ihram state. our muttawif led the doa and talbiyah and i cried the 1st time i recited it

Labbaika Allahumma Labbaik. Labbaik La Sharika Laka Labbaik. Innal-Hamdah, Wan-Ni'matah, Laka wal Mulk, La Sharika Lak.

‘Here I am O Allaah, (in response to Your call), here I am. Here I am, You have no partner, here I am. Verily all praise, grace and sovereignty belong to You. You have no partner.’
Masjidil Haram in the afternoon, 40 degrees celsius


Masjidil Haram, near to King Aziz's gate
after isya' 32 degrees celsius

We reached our hotel just after Asar, and after dinner, we walked to Masjidil Haram. as we came late, we could only pray outside at the courtyard of the mosque. after isyak we performed our umrah. the first sight of Kaabah was very emotional, and like my niece Inas said, was a surreal experience. there it was, the house of God, Baitullah, in black and gold, in its glory, and i saw worshippers tawafing. we were lucky as we stayed in our group with our Muttawif leading the recitation. we passed Maqam Ibrahim, and then after 7 rounds we prayed sunat tawaf facing the Multazam. nobody told me this, but instinctively i knew that i was supposed to doa. only later did i find out that it is mustajab to doa in front of multazam. after the tawaf, we drank zamzam and headed off for saie at safa and marwah. i never knew how 4.5km felt like until last night. of course, we were sweating in our ihram. then we did tahallul and our umrah was complete.

today we visited Jabal Rahmah where Adam re-met Eve on earth, Jabal An Nur where the Prophet received his first revelation, Jabal Thur, where he escaped from the quraisy tribe, passed Mina, and had our miqat at Ja'rannah to do our 2nd umrah. at Jabal Rahmad, we saw camels for ride. if it wasnt so smelly and we werent going to perform umrah on that day, i'd have gone for a ride. after the visit, we returned to Mekah to perform umrah for the 2nd time. it was very emotional as i felt it deeply this time and read all the required doa and saie without fail.

26th May

Yesterday we visited a camel farm.


need i say it again that they're smelly animals? however they're gentle. i tasted some of the camel's milk and it tasted like cow's milk although 1 aunty claimed it tasted a bit salty. we then went to Hudaibiyyah mosque to miqat and stopped by at a museum on Masjidil Haram and Nabawi Mosque. we then returned to Mekah and performed umrah for the 3rd time.

27th may

yesterday we did umrah for the fourth time and after that we were free. had a briefing for balik kampung after lunch. our muttawif reminded us to not exceed the baggage weight of 30kgs alloted by Saudi Air. MAS only allows 20kgs.today we did our last shopping. surprisingly the sellers here dont call us Siti Rahmah like in Madinah.

28th may

we did our Tawaf Wida' and prayed that we'd return to Mekah. it was very emotional looking at Kaabah for the last time. i'll never forget the miracles there - the air outside was hot and dry, but the wind that blew near us at Kaabah was cool and refreshing. i ll miss reading quran there, or looking at the intricate carving inside Masjidil Haram or its typical Arabic lamps, and i'll miss praying there, listening to the imam's melodious and eloquent recitation of surah. and i'll miss making new international friends there - i met ladies from indonesia, turkey, egypt, india and pakistan and though there is a language barrier, we share the same religion and that makes us sisters.

at 3.30pm we departed for Jeddah. along the way we stopped at a floating mosque (not terengganu's version) to pray asar. it's next to Red Sea.

our flight was scheduled at 9.45pm. anne smsed me along the way and i told her i couldnt find baklava for her. arriving at the airport was a problem - as we had to find trolleys and it's hard to find them as jeddah airport is small...at that time we missed the convenience of facilities at KLIA so much, as the size of the bags had increased dramatically due to incessant shopping for souvenirs and also the 10litres of zamzam given free by the govt of Saudi Arabia.

29th may

finally, we reached KLIA at 1.30pm. i was overjoyed to see lush green hills and land.

the spiritual journey is an eye opener. at the holy land, everybody is equal whether you're a datuk or a tengku or a tun or a king or a cleaner or a labourer, which is why men wear white ihram, and which is why regardless of ranks, we tawaf and do saie, as in the eyes of Allah, we're equal. i learnt that humility is the best, any inch of pride or malice or greed in us and we will receive retribution - swiftly.

Masjidil Haram is calling again, and i will heed it's call insyaallah.

another new chapter

i spent the weekend with my family and true friends.

on saturday nite i lepaked again with inas and farah at Section 14 until the wee hours. had a few hours of sleep then in the morning i met my childhood friend dina at ikea's restaurant. it's so good to see her again after 2 years. and we talked and talked, until i told her i had to make a move for the next agenda - the reunion with my seri puteri classmates.

the girls had been talking abt al -rawshar restaurant for weeks, even anne and ella who work in Johore. i, of course, was clueless abt what they're talking about until yesterday. the restaurant is located at jalan damai, and you have to turn into the lane next to Sucasa apartments and bypass SMK Seri Ampang (where i did my practical some eons ago). and there we were, the 5Ilmu girls - shidah, zana, as (the national education philosophy stresses on moulding a well-rounded person, and as is the living embodiment of it) june with her daughter, anne, ella and her son and me of course. when we reached the place, i felt like i was in an arab country, since i saw only arab men. it felt uncomfortable with the men outside, so we requested a private room, and we got a whole room decorated in customary arab red with arab styled cushions to ourselves. and while we enjoyed the delicious arab fare (i discovered that i love lamb), we talked about our lives, about why as decided to quit her job as a medical specialist in selayang hospital, about their upcoming business venture...about all sorts of things. we're more like sisters now, since we've been communicating about everything via yahoogroup and sharing problems together. the group is strong in terms of giving moral support and i appreciate them for this. because they do not judge me, (like some people do in another group i belonged to) they accept me, but they give me advice no matter how blunt they have to be. and the best thing is that we've known each other for 22 years. what i admire the most about them is that they're all ladies with high integrity and are high flyers in their companies (businesswomen, doctors, pharmacist, engineers, chemist) but they're still well-grounded and value life, being humble and faithful muslimahs. and they helped me to become a better person. last night, As called me, asking about my final preparation and i asked her should i ask for forgiveness from a friend who has hurt me with her words. and being a good muslimah, she said "nora, you should ask for forgiveness from her. i did so when i went for my umrah" that didnt sit well with me for awhile.... "you mean i've to be humble?" "yes, nora, even if it means lowering yourself. because when you're in mekah, you cannot have a trace of anger or pride". and so i took her advice.

so i take this opportunity to ask for forgiveness to those i've hurt through words, actions even for those who've hurt me in the past. i'm about to embark on a spiritual journey to cleanse my past sins, sorrows and hurt and to commune with God. hopefully i'll return and start a new chapter in life with a new hope.

peace be upon you.

coming home 2 KL

on thursday, my last day at school b4 i embark on my spiritual journey, the teachers came to salam and to slip some "gift" and asking me to pray for them. my friend sazi was surprised to hear this, but i told her it's the culture here in terengganu (to slip the gift). when they came i was busy marking the exam papers, as instructed by the principal. i've only 1 class left, which i've to hand over to another teacher. as i submitted the marks to the Sec of Exam Unit, she asked me if i'm taking flight. i said no.... i'm driving. and she was shocked. for someone who knows the roads in KL and is used to moving about, i'd feel handicapped without my car if i'm in KL for more than 2 days. and probably because i learnt to depend on myself rather on other people, because i have to.

yesterday i drove in a sunny disposition in my trusted Honda City, listening to my mp3s and eating big delicious pau (given by one of the teachers especially for the journey). as i was driving i received numerous smses from students and ex-students, wishing me happy teachers' day. and as i was nearing KL i realised that i wanted to reach KL asap, because i miss my family and friends. and i realised that although technically my hometown is KT, it felt like i was returning home when i reached the last mtd prime toll in gombak. as usual, KL infamous traffic jam greeted me, and because i was heading towards PJ, the traffic was quite smooth but slow.

i reached kelana jaya with a migraine despite the quite glum weather. mother was sitting on her throne as usual, and little adam was around to entertain - he's the 3rd generation of our malay-chinese bloodline.

and last nite i had a girl's nite out with my niece inas and we lepaked until midnight (would have gone further than that but experience told me to go back b4 calls were made).

it's good to be back home

Thank U

this song is a powerful song, written by the feminist Alanis Morrissette, and after going through some difficult time, i would like to dedicate this song to my true friends who've been with me through the thick and thin. you know who you are. thank u.

how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when i'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo

thank u india
thank u terror
thank u disillusionment
thank u frailty
thank u thank u silence

how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive u
how' bout grieving it all at a time

thank u india
thank u terror
thank u disillusionment
thank u frailty
thank u thank u silence

how 'bout no longer being masochistic
how 'bout remembering your divinity
how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how 'bout not equating death with stopping

thank u india
thank u providence
thank u disillusionment
thank u nothingness
thank u clarity
thank u thank u silence.

coffee bean, starbucks, kopitiam

more than a decade ago, the coffee culture took Malaysia by storm. Cafes mushroomed everywhere in KL's trendiest spots, and big names such as Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and Starbucks made their presence felt. with these cafes, KLites often lepaked way into the wee hours, and now it has become a part of our pop culture. Even in the UK i found that the Brits take coffee more than tea now, so you see cafes here and there, and coffee vending machines in every R&R.

i was (still am) hooked on coffee, and my favourite was Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf cafe, where i would order the ultimate ice blended - which is what malaysians would call it as "kaw" or the most bitter. if i go to Starbucks, it'll be because of this simply sinful but divine (an oxymoron, i must say) white chocolate cheesecake.

i was so hooked on coffee that i bought the beans and ground them myself at home so i could have my gourmet coffee anytime i wanted to. it was during this time that i discovered that much as i love my coffee, i cant take it regularly as i become jittery. just ask my niece Gina, of the incident when my head went haywire in Melbourne when i had coffee for breakfast for 2 days in a row.

with the discovery, i stopped taking the cuppa joe, and switched to cocoa instead. okay, it's harmless, but it doesnt have that tantalising and seductive aroma of coffee. trips to coffee bean and tea leaf meant non-caffeinated drinks, which was kind of boring for me.

we often glorified the western cafes, but Malaysia also contributed some to the history of cafes, because we have our own kedai kopi and kopitiam. my first encounter with kopitiam would be the urban Little Penang Cafe, where they use classic Chinese furniture found in any typical kopitiam. of course, when i go there, i dont drink coffee, i go for their char kuey teow (using chopsticks, of course) thanks to my Chinese roots. and years after Little Penang Cafe, updated and urban kopitiams slowly begin to appear, competing with the Western chain cafes.

so why am i writing about coffee, cafes and kopitiam today? because i just had my tea at kopitiam. i prefer kopitiam because it has the local touch to it, you see Chinese stools and tables and Chinese paintings, you also see everyday people enjoying meals. they serve Chinese dishes (halal of course), of which Malaysians are familiar of, and snacks such as roti bakar with butter and kaya, which can be found in any kopitiam.

yes, i still do frequent Coffee Bean and Starbucks, ordering non-caffeinated drinks and a piece of cake, sitting on the plush (well may be not so plush) chocolate sofa. may be this time around i'll try the ultimate blend again. i'm equally happy at the local kopitiam with our local setting. why? because we're of hybrid culture, the marriage of the local and international culture. so, whether it's Starbucks or kopitiam, it doesnt matter... it's the company that counts. and the food.

A Tribute to My Mother

My mother is an extraordinary woman. a woman of strength and character. she has lived through the British rule, Japanese Occupation and seen our country gain independence.

my mother was born a Chinese but was adopted by a wealthy Malay songket merchant. she's used to luxury (imagine walking to town in gold embroidered sandals) until she was married off during the Japanese Occupation to my father, who was 17 at that time. she was 14 (god, i didnt know anything at 14). being married to my father meant a change of lifestyle, as she had to be a housewife, during troubled times. she used to tell us stories of escaping to Setiu to find shelter when there were air raids, and to make ends meet when economy wasnt prospering.

as she recollected her memories of the past, i could detect sadness, like when one of my brothers died during infancy. or laugh at her retelling of how she ended up eating only bananas on the way back from Singapore after a diamond shopping spree.

mother's love knows no bound, and she'll go at all length to make the children happy. when i was in Seri Puteri i expressed my desire to have a certain dish (sambal goreng) brought back to school. before i knew it, she was making it. i told her she didnt have to go at such length to do it. i got a stern reprimand from her. she said "this is mother's love for you. a mother never forgets the children's wishes".

i was close to my late father, so when my father passed away, my mother's attention was solely on me. that meant every action was scrutinised. i couldnt understand this at first, but my siblings told me this is because i'm the only one she has left (that she can bully). she was calm and composed when my father died. but six months later, she suffered a stroke, which left her half-paralysed.

when i graduated, my mother insisted that i return to terengganu to teach. being away for so long, and having friends in KL, i rebelled. i was offered the post of journalist with the NST, and dreamed of a writing career, my dream since i was in Seri Puteri. but i had to turn it down. it was a difficult time for both of us. being the youngest, i matured late; and only these past few years did i realise my wrongdoings.

my mother, despite her constant nagging, is a loving mother. she has so much steel and brain in her that we used to joke she'd make either a good Mafia leader or a businesswoman. thus, when she was diagnosed with cancer stage 3 last year, we were devastated. i was very upset when i saw her one day, so aged, wanting to give up on life. she just didnt care about life anymore. it was the hardest time for us, to see our strong mother thus.

now she is among her loving children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. our grand matriarch rules the roost again, but from her bed. our wish is to make her feel comfortable and happy, because she has made us the people we are. i love u, mother.